Shoplifting

Have you ever been busted for shoplifting?

Never!

 

 11

Just once. I learned my lesson.

 

 4

A few times. I'm a risk taker.

 

 0

Girl, if I tell ya, I'll have to kill ya!

 

 2

I went out to lunch today with my friends/co-workers & it's always eventful.  Somehow we got on the subject of shoplifting & of course the stories started to flow.

Allow me to share a few of mine.

First, I'll admit to being a lip-gloss klepto in my pre-teen years.  My mama & granny refused to buy it for me, so I decided to cuff it.  I never pocketed more than lip-gloss and/or crazy color nail polish.  Luckily, I never got caught. 

My mother was one of those mothers who "hated nothing more than liars & thieves".  

One day my mother caught me with lip-gloss on.  My nickel-slick ass forgot to wash it off before I left school.  She asked where I got it from & of course all I could do was stand there and look stupid.  Her reply to my silence was, "I oughta march your lil thieving ass back downtown & make you tell them what you did!"  That scared me so bad, that was my last day as lip-gloss booster.   Of course, she had to tell er'body & their mama what I had done.  I was 1/2 past embarrassed for damn near a month.

On to my sister, who is 2 years my junior & a true klepto.  She would steal shit just to be stealing.  Dumb shit like cough syrup, nail clippers, character toothbrushes, etc.

She went to the store with her buddies & apparently they are racking up & get caught.  My sister who was about 12/13 had a bottle of Flintstone Vitamins!  Yep, you heard me right. 

At that age she didn't have any ID & the security would only release her to an adult. This is where coming from a small family isn't so great.  She had no choice but to call home.

My mother answers the phone & all I hear is "Who?! What?! When?! I'll be there!"  She was pissed. Not only did her child get caught stealing, she lied about her name.  Told security her name was Ashley something or the other, which is no where near her given name.

I head to the store with my mama so I could have front row center to Flintstone Vitamin Beatdown!  We walk in the security office & my sister gets nervous & starts to tear up.  My mother scowled at her and said, "Give yo' heart to Jesus, 'cause yo' ass is mine!"  I bout died!!! LMAO

My mother had to sign some papers & was told my sister would not be allowed in the store again unless my mother with her.  My sister slipped out of the door when my mother's back was turned & disappeared.  We went to the exit to see if we saw her & she was 1/2 way across the lot.  My mother, who could & did get ghetto at times, yelled, "Yo lil thieving ass can run all night, but I'm STILL gonna beat dogsled shit outta you!"  At that point I had to move away.  She hurt my feelings & she wasn't even talking to me.

Ahhhh...the memories.