and then he died!
Catchy title, huh? I think it makes for an interesting discussion.
Hypothetically speaking, let's say you are/were a secret (or maybe not so secret) lover of a married person & this person dies. For the sake of this discussion, let's also say this person maintained a home elsewhere & at the time of passing, the two of you were not cohabitating aka shacking up.
As the outside lover, do you feel you have the right to attend and/or mourn at the wake/funeral/memorial/burial service? What if you had children with the deceased?
I would hope to not put myself in that situation, but stranger things have happened. If I was the secret lover, I would keep my distance. If I was truly in love with the man, I would avoid the funeral. I know I wouldn't be able to contain my emotions. As for any children, they unfortunately have to suffer for the choices we made. I would probably grieve with them at the burial site....way after the fact. I would try not to cross paths with the family...at all cost.
On the flip side, if you are the widow/widower, how do you think you'd react if a secret (or maybe not so secret) lover (and possible children) came to pay their respects to your dearly departed spouse?
As long as I didn't know who she was, I can't really say. She could slip in & out and no one is none the wiser. If I did know who she was, I would hope she wouldn't invade my family's space & grieving process. If she did, I couldn't guarantee her safety. If there were minor children involved & I knew of them I would ask for the strength to extend the olive branch, for the sake of the youngsters. If the children are older, I don't think I'd have a problem with their presence as long as they acted accordingly.
Before you say, "Well I would never....", keep in mind people lie all the time & sometimes innocents get caught up unintentionally.
Even if you haven't been in such a situation, I still want to hear from you.
Good Question.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I would most likely be at the funeral. But I wouldnt make myself known, and fall out crying in the aisle and stuff like people do. It would kill me not to pay my respects to him. I would have to go, no one would have to know about me.
If I was on the flip side? Well if she came in like I would do, I wouldnt mind. I really wouldnt. The person I am today, only thing that matters to me if his soul was saved. Just dont show up and clown and my husbands funeral, thats all I ask.
cree
WOW!!! I mean you know this is something to think about, and well sadly things like this happen all the time. I would hope I would not get involved in a situation like this, but you think you are in a relationship where you are the only one, and he is leading a secret life you end up caught up in something you had no idea was even happening.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to be honest I don't know what I would do. I really don't.
But I would probably still go to the funeral, pay my respects just for my peace of mind and then leave quietly. If children were involved I probably would not take them with me. Because they would not understand.
On the flip, as long as the woman did not raise sand, let her do what she needed to do. Goodness this is such a tough situation.
ha!
ReplyDeletekisra mo sassi
what a scenario.well, at ones funeral all who loved the individual should be present regardless of whether they lie or love each other.if a wife and mistress were both happy both should come if neither was happy neither should come.
at the time of passing it is not for the living to be respected but for the deceased and anyone that the associated with positively has a right to be present, for all ,even enemies have the right after.
I would attend the funeral, but I wouldn't put on a show and let everybody know the deal. If I had children by this man, they have the right to attend as well. Again, we wouldn't bother the family and 'cause a show, but we have a right to be there.
ReplyDeleteIf I was the widower, no sense in getting mad and bent out of shape now! He's gone! Suck it up and move forward.
I'm gonna attend and wear the black dress with the big black hat & all, just like the widower. Hell, I've been disrespecting her by sleeping with her husband, why start respecting her now.
ReplyDeleteNow if some floozie came to my man's funeral, they may need 2 caskets. Then again, women know 99% of the time that their man is cheating so she's prolly expecting the worst anyway.