Wanna 69?

1. Initials: MDB

2. Name someone with the same birthday as you: The God-Father of Soul, James Brown & my little cousin Tyler.

3. Favorite fruit?: Strawberries

4. For or against same sex marriage? I don't care. If they love each other let them be.

5. Are you allergic to anything? None known.

6. Are you bisexual? No.

7. Have you ever slept in someone else's clothes? If his T-shirt counts, then yes.

8. How many U.S states have you been to? 9 or 10

9. How many of the U.S states have you lived in? Just 1.

10. Have you ever lived outside the U.S? No

11. Name something physical you like about yourself? My smile & legs

12. Something non-physical you like about yourself? I tend to learn from my mistakes & the mistakes of others.

13. Do you have any pets? I don't need or want anything in my house that I have to feed, shelter & provide medical care that I cannot claim as a dependent.

14. What is your dream car? Brand New BMW

15. If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go today? An all-inclusive beach resort.

16. Are you bipolar? No, but shit, how would I know?

17. What dream car do you want your husband/wife to drive? Husband?? I have no knowledge of this husband of which you speak.

18. What is your typical first date? Dinner, drinks, movie, walk in the park or mall, whatever.

19. Would you date the person who sent this to you? No.

20. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally? I've gotten a few private serenades.

21. Ever been kissed under fireworks? Yes.

22. Do you like President Obama? Love him!

23. Have you ever bungee jumped? Hello!! Are ya kray-zee?!?

24. Have you ever white water rafted? See #23

25. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you? Yep & he had my heart.

26. Are you racist? I don't think so. I'm an equal opportunity discriminator.

27. What song are you listening to right now? There's Goes My Baby by Charlie Wilson (love it).

28. What's your favorite song at the moment? Love That Girl by Raphael Saadiq

29. What was the last movie you watched? The Family that Preys

30. Where was the last place you went besides your house? That camp they call work.

31. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property? No, but lawd have I wanted to!

32. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? Yes

33. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Height & teeth

34. What's your fave body part on the opposite sex? Arms, big strong ones.

35. What do you usually order from Starbucks? Double blended Strawberry Frappuccino

36. Say something totally random about yourself? I like flat soda.

37. Do you have an iPod? No, but I'll take a donation.

38. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? Mo'nique.

39. Do you have freckles? No.

40. Are you comfortable with your height? Of course.

41. Do you love someone right now? Yep.

42. How tall are you? 5'8.5

43. Do you speak any other language other than English? No

44. Have you ever ridden in a limo? Yes.

45. Has anyone you were really close to passed away? Yes.

46. Do you watch MTV? On occasion.

48. What's something that really annoys you? Folks who thump lit cigarette butts from moving vehicles.

50. Do you like Michael Jackson? I love the old Michael.

51. Have you ever surfed? No.

52. Do you know how to pump gas? Of course.

53. Do you drive? Yes & I hate driving!

54. What's the latest you have ever stayed out? 7:00 am the next morning

55. Have you ever thought that you were honestly going to die? Yes

56. Were you ever rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room? Yes

57. Have you ever been dared to do something you didn't want to do? Yes

58. What's your favorite state to live in? Missouri since it's the only one I can speak on.

59. What color is your hair? Dark brown

60. What colors are your eyes? Dark brown

61. Do you have any special talents? I can roll my R's.

62. Favorite non-alcoholic drink? Strawberry limeade

63. Favorite city? Milan

64. Have you ever ridden a mechanical bull? No.

65. If you were working on a pirate ship, what would you most likely be? The Captain!

66. Who do you live with? My 2 nephews are squatters.

67. Last thing you watched on TV?  RuPaul's Drag Race (love it)

68. Do you wear glasses or contacts? No, Lasik is the bomb.

69. Have you ever taken a road trip? Of course, but I prefer to fly.

"Our" Little Secret

My sis G told me that I have a heavy heart {her observation after reading my writings & being in my company} & unfortunately, I know she's right.

What I thought was a nightmare, really wasn't.  It was a repressed memory.

When I was about 9 or 10 years old, my mother had a friend named Perry. I never got the impression that he was her boyfriend, but now that I am grown, I know that they had an intimate relationship. I always thought he was a nice man. He always brought me & my sister trinkets, dolls, etc. when he came to visit. Even gave us a few bucks when the bomb-pop truck or Mr. Softee truck came around.

One day he came to see my mom and brought goodies for me & my sis like he always did. I was outside playing & came in to get a drink of water. My mom was in the bathtub {I could hear the water running} and he was sitting in the living room watching TV. He was dressed nice so I think they were probably going out.

As I was drinking my water, he motioned for me to come & sit down. I did. He asked me about school & such. Then he proceeded to tell me how tall I was getting & how pretty I was. As I was telling him about what I was doing in school, he slid his hand between my legs. I had never been so scared in my life. He motioned with shhhhh gesture & I sat there, silenty, tears running down my face.

A few moments later, my mom opened the bathroom door and yelled to him that she'd be out in a minute & closed the door back. He leaned over and whispered, "this is our little secret" in my ear.

When the bathroom door opened again he moved his hand & I ran to my room. I crawled under the sheet & cried. My mom heard me sniffling, because I wasn't a noisy crier. She peeped in my room & asked what was wrong. I told her I fell off of my bike.

After that day, I always made sure that he would never catch me alone & I made sure my sister was with me when he came to our house. Even though I was too afraid to tell what happened to me, I couldn't let it happen to her.

25+ years have come & gone. This is the first time I've ever told anyone about this. I never told my mother, grandparents or uncle. I thought it was my fault for accepting his gifts. I thought it was my fault for wearing shorts. I thought is was my fault for being big for my age. I thought I had done something to deserve this & it was all my fault. So until today, I remained silent.

I now know that it was not my fault & I didn't deserve this. No child does!

I can't begin to tell you how good it feels to finally let this shit go!!!!!!!

I can only hope anyone reading this who has unfortunately had a similar experience will be able to release it and let it go. 

I Luv Halloween!

Yep!  I'm 30+ years young & I Luv Halloween! 

In my book, Halloween is not a celebration of something wicked, but a time for kids to be kids & have a lil fun.....even if the fun includes swords, bedsheets & fangs.

As a child, my mother & grandparents made a huge ordeal out of every holiday, including Halloween.  I really do miss those times, but will always cherish the memories.

On Halloween, we always went trick or treating or to a party.   My mother couldn't bake worth a damn, but Muda could!   We always made all kinds of cakes, cookies & candies, while Muda supervised.  Papa always requested to taste test our creations & we passed every time.  Now that I think of it, some of that stuff was crap, but he never let on that it didn't please his palate.

I can remember being dressed as  Cinderella, Minnie Mouse, a cheerleader, and my all time fav, Witchy B (my mom came up with that one so don't even ask).   My sister, you know the one with 5 kids, was such a tomboy, she was always a ball player, a pirate, monster or something I considered boyish.

I wish I had the photos, but I don't, as they are (as I've been lead to believe) being held hostage in my uncle's ex-wife basement (along with all of my grandmothers photo albums).....I digress.

I can also remember Papa carving out the pumpkins - one for me & one for my sister.   My grandparents didn't do cartoons, so that's where my mom came in.  She'd pop popcorn & we'd make trail-mix like concoctions with the popcorn, red hot riplets, cheetos & whatever else we would find.  We'd curl up in her bed & watch Halloween cartoons. 

All in all my Halloween experiences have left me with nothing but a lifetime of pleasant memories.

She Has Lupus...

but it doesn't have her!

Although, not widely recognized like breast cancer, October is also Lupus Awareness Month. Unlike breast cancer, this affliction hits home.

The woman you see in the wedding gown has been one of my best friends since high school. Shortly after her wedding in 2006, she was diagnosed with Lupus.

When she told me, she was in tears & I was certainly taken aback. I had no clue of what to say. I had heard of Lupus but really had no idea what it was. She explained what she had gone thru & all I could do was cry.

I'm happy to report my friend is doing well & enjoying her life. She has a great husband who knows what those vows meant.

I pray for my friend's healing & I know, with God, all things are possible.

She will be celebrating her 38th birthday in a few weeks & God willing, I'll be right there celebrating with her.

Dedication to Muda

Since it's still Grandparents Day, I'm dedicating this song & blog to my rock, my grandmother, the Late Mrs. Dorothy Mae Davis-Brown-Baker-Saddler-Jones. No, your eyes aren't deceiving you. She was married & widowed 4 times (she actually divorced the first 2, but still managed to outlive them). I can't find *a* husband and she buried 4 of 'em.

I'm not sure when that photo was taken but she was sharp, wasn't she?

No matter when or where, waterworks are guaranteed when I hear this one.

 

 

 

Better Days ~ 1987

 

Happy Grandparent's Day!

It's Grandparents Day & since my maternal grandparents have long gone to glory, I'll use this media to express my appreciation for them.

If you've ever paid attention to anything I've ever said, you know who Muda & Papa are. My {biological} Grandfather (Muda's 3rd husband) died when my mother was 5. Papa was Muda's 4th husband.

Muda is the person mostly responsible for me being who I am today. My Grandfather is, of course, partly responsible for my mere existence, but Papa was the influential father figure in my life.

Now that I'm grown and have major appreciation for what they did for me, I know they were heaven sent & owe all that I am to them!

On another note, I never knew my paternal grandfather. I think he died before I was born. I only recall seeing my paternal grandmother twice & I never really knew her. Sad to say, she's also dead but there was no loss to me (another blog for another day).

In closing,

HAPPY GRANDPARENT'S DAY

to all the

Grandmothers, Grandfathers, Mudas, Papas,

Big Mamas, Big Daddies, G-Maws & Pawpaws everywhere!

MisAdventures in On-Line Dating - Chapter 1

Have you ever been on a blind date and the person you were meeting had a "physical flaw/imperfection" (not a disability) that you weren't aware of, they never bothered to mention and/or couldn't be determined from a photograph? He said he kinda favored Martin Lawrence but actually looked more like Jerome aka Romey Rome? She said she looked like Janet Jackson but was closer to Freddie Jackson? (Think Friday….I had to toss that in there so the fellas won’t think I’m just picking on them.)

Allow me to share my horror story with you:

I met this guy on-line and we had been talking on the phone for several weeks. Due to working schedules and family obligations it was hard for us to make a connection.  We exchanged several pics.  All of his were straight-faced.  Y'all already know me & all these damn teeth.

When we finally did meet, the brotha's two (2) front teeth were missing! Now I'm a sucker for a man with a nice smile (ones like Mike & STO), so needless to say, I was speechless.

He never really looked at me when talking and he was very good at hiding his smile using his hands as he talked. This lead me believe that his teeth have been missing for quite some time.

I enjoyed the meal, which he graciously paid for, but was so taken aback by the dental issue, I avoided his calls.  I wanted to say something about my shock but I just couldn't find the words.

Let me stop lying. What I really wanted to say is, "How dare you bring your snaggle-toothed ass to meet someone on a date & try to keep your dental mishap a secret?! How long did you think you could hide the fact that your front teeth were missing until someone eventually caught on?! I've got 4-eyes* (2 of which I paid damn good money for)."  {before Lasik}

At any rate, I try not to be judgmental (I'm working on this one), because I'm a big girl & I know what it's like to be judged by appearances.  However, I don’t appreciate being deceived either.  I have no problem sharing full body shots or  my jeans size when asked (one guy even told me I was too small for him...he preferred his women 300+ lbs).  We like what we like & no sense in wasting time.

Have you or someone you met withheld vital information such as this?  I know I can't be the only one.

I'm Grouchy! Written & Performed by "PlayCuzzin"

This was an ode *eyeroll* of sorts, written in my honor (I suppose) by an alleged friend aka PlayCuzzin.  *LOL*

You can click here for his orginal post on 360 or you can continue on here.

This is dedicated to my dear friend Ms. Mo' .  We have sort of a "Vera and Benny" from Harlem Nights kind of relationship  LMAO!!

                                              GROUCHY

(to the tune of Bossy by Kelis)

Aye Yo... You don't have to love me..... you don't even have to like me...... but you will get the hell out my FACE!!

you know why cause I'm a Grouch

You know, it's a big fist to swallow
When they tell you you strange
You ain't nice
Then in the blink of an eye (POW)
They got what they deserve
That means I'm a I'm A GROUCH 

Uh uh... watch my foot go...
Uh uh... watch my foot go...
Uh uh... watch my foot go...
Uh uh... watch my foot go...

[Mo' Betta]
I'm Grouchy
I'm the first girl to punch  you in the back
I called you and ya mammy dumb
That's right I beat all the  boys in the yard
And that's right, I'm the one causin' bodily harm
I'm Grouchy
I'm the booch y'all love to hate
I'm the chick that's raised the stakes
I told Play Cuzz he should cease to play
I'm back bout to break Play's  legs I'm grouchy

Ooh lemme slow it down so yall Nigg's will know
Screw it up n Imma bust ya nose
Real girls lay you out on the flo
(on the flo knocked out, on the flo)
Ooh I warned you but you want some more
Touch me  and you gettin broken bones
I like to beat you down, I'm icy cold
Ooh to the the 6'4" brothas I'll break ya jaw
The money makin sistas always scare'em
Don't start no problems
He gon keep on jumpin while the G U N  is poppin

Diamonds on my Knucks, di-diamonds bust ya grill
Diamonds on my Knucks, di-diamonds bust ya grill

I'm Grouchy
I'm the first girl to stomp ya neck
I hit you and made ya face numb
That's right I beat all the boys in the yard
And that's right, I'm the one causin bodily harm
I'm grouchy
I'm the booch y'all love to hate
I'm the chick that's raised the stakes
I told Play Cuzz ,Nigga I don't play
I'm back bout to break Play's legs I'm grouchy 

Ooh (I bet I bet I bet) I bet cha neva felt it like this before
My foot be all up in ya backdoor
Got ya neck poppin as I twist it hard(twist it hard)
Ooh I'm takin you out and it's no jokin
All the while ya heads open
Me and my fists we start to fly and we love to punch eyes
Ooh to the 6'4" brothas I'll break ya jaw
Yeah the money makin sistas always scarem 
Don't start  no problems
He gon keep on jumpin while the G U N is poppin

Diamonds on my Knucks, di-diamonds bust ya grill
Diamonds on my Knucks, di-diamonds bust ya grill

I'm Grouchy
I'm the first girl to scream in ya ear
I punked you and caused all the fear
That's right i beat all the boys in the yard
And that's right I'm the one that slapped you hard I'm Grouchy
I'm the booch ya'll love to hate
I'm the chick that's raised the stake
I told young Cuzz, Nigga I don't play
I broke that crippled suckas cane cuz I'm Grouchy

[Play Cuzzin]
It's the time that she beats on me
Can't stop screamin, she's mean  and she's grouchy
Damn girl, don't hurt me

If niggas don't back back, you gon fork em
Put your smack down, I know your background
Whatchu want girl, you gettin mad now
That's how you do it, huh?
Well I'm the scaredest one
In fact, Niggas in the back bring em to the front, nigg!
Tell that man you's a grouch booch
Make some noise, raise your hand if you's a grouch booch
I don't think he understand you's a grouch booch
Get some help if you can cause she lost it
Ain't no band aids, go get a cast mayne
In your face with her finger in ya forhead
Flossin, you say "how much it cost me?"
About all my front teef playa, she's grouchy

[Mo' Betta]
I'm grouchy
I'm the first girl kick out ya back
I switched up my left and my right 
That's right I beat all the boys in the yard
And that's right I'm the one that's causin him harm

I'm Grouchy
I'm the booch y'all love to hate
I'm the chick that's raised the stake
I told Play Cuzz, Nigga I don't play 
I'm back with a G U N cause I'm Grouchy

Uh uh... watch the fist go...
Uh uh... watch the fist go...
Uh uh... watch the fist go...
Uh uh... watch the fist go...
Uh uh... watch the fist go...
Uh uh... watch the fist go...
Uh uh... watch the fist go...
Uh uh... watch the fist go...
Uh uh...

The Doctor is In!

A little while back, in my STLBBBW group, we had a conversation about cartoons & we ended up comparing the characters to ourselves & others. For some strange reason, they () unanimously agreed that I was "Lucy" from the Peanuts Gang. I found this description on the website & highlighted the parts I somewhat agree with.

Lucy Van Pelt works hard at being bossy, crabby and selfish. She is loud and yells a lot. Her smiles and motives are rarely pure. She's a know-it-all who dispenses advice whether you want it or not--and for Charlie Brown, there's a charge. She's a fussbudget, in the true sense of the word. She's a real grouch, (I had a song written & dedicated to me which I will copy & paste later) with only one or two soft spots, and both of them may be Schroeder, who prefers Beethoven. As she sees it, hers is the only way. The absence of logic in her arguments holds a kind of shining lunacy. When it comes to compliments, Lucy only likes receiving them. If she's paying one--or even smiling--she's probably up to something devious.

So am I Lucy or what? Tell the truth & shame the devil!

The Road Kill Cafe ~ In Loving Memory of Papa

A few weeks ago, we were having a group discussion & somehow it turned into the subject of dining {if you can call it that} on wild game. I'm here to tell ya, those folks had some wild ass stories about squirrel, possum & even bear!

Well Plyers, here's my wild game experience:

The year was 1978/79 {I was 6/7.}. The place was Muda's Kitchen. Papa had gone out with his buddies earlier in the day & when he came home he had this metal container covered with some kind of cloth. He dumped the contents of the container into the sink & covered it with the cloth. I asked him what he was doing & he told me to take my lil nosey tail on somewhere. I think "Scat!" was the term he used. {Yeah right!} He also told me to stay away from the sink. Needless to say, I didn't listen to him. As soon as the coast was clear, I tip-toed back into the kitchen to find out what the mystery object was. I pulled back that cloth and OMG!!! I damn near jumped outta my skin! It was a hairless, dead dog {I thought} but it still had eyes & teeth! Oh the horror!  Papa was watching me the whole time & said "That's what your lil nosey tail gets!" I later learned it was skinned animal, a coon to be exact, that was gonna be Q'd. Mind you, I didn't know "coon" is was what country ass folks called raccoon! I was mortified. I only ate junk food & fruit that day. I was scared they would try to trick me into eating that po' lil raccoon!

Shortly, thereafter, Papa did trick me into eating something when I didn't know what it was. He told me it was chicken. It tasted a lil different but I ate the piece I had. I later overheard another adult mention how good the rabbit was. WTH?!?! They done killed the Easter Bunny & I ate him! I cried so much I made myself sick.

Man....I look back on those days and so hard that I ......the good ole days!

Happy Birthday to my Favorite Entertainer of All Time!

Happy 50th birthday to

His Royal Badness! 

 

That's right!  Prince Rodgers Nelson is the G.O.A.T. (Greatest of all Time)....at least in IMHO (that's In My Humble Opinion....not I'mma Ho )!   This man has been making tunes to groove to, have sex to & make love to since 1978 (damn....I was 6).  

He does it all: sings, writes, produces, plays instruments, dances (no one can jump & do splits in 4 inch heels like he can) & acts.  Well, his acting could use a little work, but how could you not love Purple Rain & Under the Cherry Moon?

I remember hearing "Lil Red Corvette" and trying to figure out what the hell he was talking about....."pocket full of horses"???.  Of course it all went over my head.  Hey, I was only 10.    Fast forward to 1984's Darling Nikki - I actually learned a few things from this record.  I thought Nikki was nasty slut for masturbating in the hotel lobby.  What did you expect from a 12 year-old know-it-all?

If I had to pick an all-time favorite, it would have to be "Adore".  That is seriously, one sexxxy song!  Followed by I Hate U, Kiss, D.M.S.R. (Dance, Music, Sex, Romance), Scandalous, International Lover, Baby I'm a Star (I gotta get up & shake my groove thang when I hear that one) & Let's Go Crazy.  Even Muda liked Pop Life.

Do you remember the 1999 calender?  Caliente!! 

When "When Doves Cry" was released on 45, my mama sent me to SoundTown (a local Wrecka Stow..only real fans will get this) to it.  Imagine my awe when I pulled it out to check for scratches & that joker was actually purple!  A purple record!!  Who'da thunk it? *lol*

I paid $75 whole, hard-earned dollars to see the Musicology concert & of course it was worth it.

I just wanted to show my appreciation for a true entertainer who doesn't need a lot of 4-letter words & countless video hoes to sell records.  Although, his music does bring a few 4-letter words to mind....

PS....I was dreaming when I wrote this, forgive me it goes astray.

 

Gimme 5......More.....

This is Part II of yesterday's blog:

 

This is for the single ladies & gents - gimme 5 reasons why you would like to be in serious relationship.

 

Here are my 5:  

1. The dating scene (at least in my town) is getting very old & quickly.
2. I'm tired of spending my precious time "training" them & in the end, it's all in vain.
3. I love to travel & as much as I love my road dawgs, I wants (yes wants!) me a man to travel the world with.
4. I've had my fun (probably more than my share, shhh.....) & I'm ready to get serious & share my life with someone special.
5. Last but not least, I want someone who can fix shit and who will get up to see what went "bump" in the night!  Y'all know I'm a scaredy cat! 

Your turn!

Make-Up or Not?

This blog is moreso for my sisters, but fellas feel free to chime in & leave your nickel's worth.

I was hanging out with my cousin when she mentioned she wanted some pics for her boyfriend & myspace page.  Oh, in case you didn't know I'm an aspiring photographer....I enjoy being behind the camera as well as in front of it.  Anyway, she went home & met me back at my house.  She brought a few different outfits & got her pause/flash on. I took a few shots in my backyard, living room & on her car.

Upon downloading the pics, which turned out nicely if I must say so myself, I noticed her facial imperfections, i.e., pimple scars, etc. came thru a little too perfect.  I suggested she might want to try wearing foundation for her photos next time.  You would've thought I said take a 9mm to your head, with the way she reacted.  Her response was, "I don't need that shit to look good!"  I was like damn!!   OK, hold up sista!  I didn't say you were unattractive &  I wasn't trying to be critical.   I said a lil foundation would hide the imperfections & make the photos look a lot better!  Again she responded with, "I said I don't need that shit..."  Keep in mind girlfriend was wearing a weave (a damn good one, but a weave nonetheless) & light brown contacts , but I digress.

Mind you, even tho I don't do weave or colored contacts, I do wear foundation especially when I know I'm gonna be photographed.  I just think an even-toned face photographs so much better.   I didn't even need it until approximately 2 years ago, but I think that comes with the aging process, therefore, ain't no shame in my game.  As much as I like being photographed I want them to be nice.

Was I wrong or being too superficial to suggest make-up to her?

No Mo' Beady Beads

I was cleaning out an old box & found the above. This hot comb has to be 40 years old! It's the same comb Muda used on my hair for as long as I can remember & my cousins before me. Notice the disappearing handle .

When I was younger, my hair was a lot longer & a whole hellava lot thicker than it is now (y'all have seen the pics). My mother had good hair, so she never really learned to do my hair. Even when she tried, bless her heart, it was always a disaster. Thank God for Muda!

I spent many Saturday afternoons sitting in front of a hot stove, I'm talking hours upon hours, getting my beady beads fried and I hated it! I couldn't even go out to play. I had to stay inside because Muda didn't want me sweating out my fresh "do" before church on Sunday.

She was a prissy one & it was all about appearances with her. If you weren't "together" you couldn't go with her & nobody was missing Morning Service....nobody but Papa, but that's another blog for another day.

To make matters worse, I'm very, very tender-headed. Muda had to wash & dry my hair in about 8 sections. There was no other way. I cried when she washed. I cried when she dried it & I cried some mo' when she fried it! I still flinch when I comb my own hair, so I rarely let others put their hands in my head.

Because of the texture of my hair, I got my 1st relaxer at age 13. Me & Muda couldn't take it no mo'! I guess India.Arie wasn't the only one, huh? Unlike India, I wasn't a source of laughter & it worked in my favor. It made my "do" so much more manageable.

Now I know you natural, stop trying to look like the white man folks are rolling ya eyes & such, but I have to do what's best for me.  Some of the natural styles are simply fabulous and look great on most, but right now, they just aren't for me.

I have a lot of history wit' dat dere hot comb. I think I'll keep it....ya know, for sentimental reasons.

The Perfect Man

Perfect Man

The perfect man. Could there be such a man? Well maybe not a perfect man, but a man who’s perfect for me? I often wonder, but I have faith that there is such a man. Y'all know I tend to lose it every so often.

I figured since I have yet to find this man/he has yet to find me, I might as well work on the blueprint. Keep in mind some of these men were/are only friends & some were/are more than friends. With that being said, here goes nothing.

If I could build my perfect man, he’d have….

• Eyes like Demetrius - they're mesmerizing.
• Arms like Darren - nice guns on this one.
• Smile like Shon - he had a nice smile until he bling'd it up.
• Hands like Michael - there's something to be said about those strong hands.
• Legs like Brian - I'm a big girl...need I say more?
• Walk like Ronald - not quite Denzelish, but sexy all the same.
• Intellect like Darryl - educated & complicated
• Scent like Tony B. - Lawd the scents he wore were intoxicating.
• Sense of humor like Kenny - Talk about busting a gut...this one keeps me
• Dependable like….hmmm…gotta think about this one
• Attentive like Marcus - made everything all about bratty ass me.
• Passionate like Kevin - nuff said!
• Loving like Stephen - any questions?
• Handy like Tony G. - this one could fix anything! My car, the sink, the phone line, you name it & he could fix it.
• Satisfying like…ha! I ain’t telling!
• Comforting like Emmanuel - his shoulders should be all cried out.
• Protective like Anthony - you gotta be ride or die with this one because nobody messes with his baby girl
• Skilled like Donald - this one has a PhD in Cunnilingus!
• Determined like Charles - was my Air Force One baby luv
• Talented like Lamont - this one can sing the panties right off ya.
• Deep pockets like Donald Trump - Cha-ching! (A girl can dream can't she?)
• Style like Idris Elba! He is my baby's daddy...he just doesn't know it yet.

Ta da!  There's my perfect man!

Happy Mother's Day Ma

Dear Mama,

I cry as I write this, but I have to do this for my own healing. I never realized how much I loved & needed you until you were gone.

There's so much I want & need to say, I doubt I'll be able to gather my thoughts & compose them. This isn’t gonna flow like I want it to, but it’s how my thought pattern is going at this particular moment.

Thanks to the Internet, a lot of people are well aware of who you are, what you were like & even what kind of music you loved. For some strange reason, a blog I had written about you would appear on almost a weekly basis. People I only know by name & photos would send their love & believe me when I say it's always sincere and heartfelt. Most of them didn't/don't me from Eve, but the sincerity was all the same. Some of them say I look like you, but I still think I look like Daddy.

It's been almost 10 years since I last heard your voice, saw your face or heard you cuss somebody out. I'd give anything just to hear you say, "You must think you're a Rockefeller or somebody" when I'd go overboard on my shopping sprees.

When we lost you we were literally destroyed. I hated my own sister for bringing that bastard into our lives. Ma, our relationship still hasn't recovered...I doubt it ever will.

I knew that one day I would more than likely have to bury you, but I had no idea of the hour and that it would come so soon. Adrian was too young to understand and Lonnie couldn't even talk yet. Adrian kept asking for you and we had no idea of what to tell him. How do you tell a 3-year old that his grandmother was killed? Most of that time is blur and I don't even recall how we handled it. Mama we were lost.

One day I was sitting looking at photos with tears streaming down face when Lonnie came & hugged me and said, "Auntie Monni, I'm sorry your mama died." All I could do was hug him back & cry. He knows you were his granny, we made sure of that, but he doesn't remember you. Sometimes we talk about you & we can laugh until it hurts and other times we cry until our eyes run dry because it hurts so badly.

Not a day goes by that you aren't in my thoughts. I have your picture hanging in my faux foyer. Your face, along with Muda's, is the 1st thing people see when they enter my home. I want people to recognize the 2 women who are responsible for me being the woman I am today.

A lot of people have asked and more have probably wondered how I could stand to look at your pictures everyday. I almost felt like I didn't have a choice. I just couldn't pack what I had left of you into a box as if you never existed. You know how important pictures are to this family. We or should I say, y'all have almost come to blows over pictures. I know about the falling out you & Denise had about the 1957 family photo. Don't be mad, but I gave her the small one.

Mama, there are so many things that I'm learning as I grow. So many things you taught me have stuck with me. I'm 36 years old & I'm still learning, growing, loving and hurting.

Ma, there was/is (hell, even I'm confused) a man in my life that I love so much I can barely see straight.  I don't know what you would've thought of him, but he's right up Muda's alley - tall, dark, handsome, educated & strapping (as she would've said).  We've had our ups & downs, but something in my heart just won't let go.  It's like its out of my control & you know me - I cannot stand that feeling. 

It's times like this when I remember seeing you going thru things I didn't quite understand and the only thing you could say to me was, "Keep on living little girl."  Ma, I now know......I know.

Remember when you taught me how to write checks, pay the rent & use an ATM machine? One of things that always seems to stick with me is when you said, "If you don't pay anything else, pay your rent! You could be in the dark, but at least you'll be on the inside."

Remember when you kinda sorta taught us how to gamble playing Old Maid & Black Deuce for the spare change in your purse? You always let us win.

Remember when you would pack my lunch everyday, in my Disney School Bus lunchbox, because I wouldn't eat the school lunch? You always made sure I had my Swiss Miss chocolate pudding. I can't stand pudding now.

Remember when I asked you for Jordache jeans? You asked how much they cost & I told you $40. You didn't even bother to answer, you just igged me. Now I know why! I've given your 1st born grandchild that exact same look & treatment.

Remember when you taught us how to do the "Bump"? I still listen to Joe Tex and think of those times. I got my love for good music, not most of this crap they make today, from you. I was always trying to mimic the way you could snap your fingers. Those jokers sounded like firecrackers. I still haven't mastered it.

Remember when you caught me lighting a cigarette & you never said word? You wanted me to learn a lesson. All I can say is lesson learned! That was the 1st and last one I touched.

Remember when you would brag that you never had to force your girls to go to school or do homework? I remember the look on your face when talking to the other parents who had issues with their kids. Well mama, today, I am one of those other parents. I honestly believe that all the counseling in the world will never help my son get over losing you, his best friend. I know if I had lost Muda in that manner and at that age, I'd be more messed up than I already am. Mama, will you & daddy look after him? Please?

Remember how I hated all of your boyfriends, with the exception of Bill? I never even gave them a chance & even though you never said anything, I know I drove a few of them away and I did so purposely & gladly. I felt like since my daddy was dead and Bill was gone you should've just been happy with us. Mama, now that I'm grown ass woman, I know you had needs that your daughters just couldn't fulfill. I am so sorry for being such a selfish brat, more so if it cost you any form of happiness.

Remember when I went into labor? You never left my side. The boy's father missed his birth because you sent him to get you something to eat and his hooptie broke down. Still you never left my side. I remember the nurse saying, "8 pounds, 6 ounces" and you yelled "Ha Mercy! We don't do small babies!"

Remember when I got the keys to my 1st apartment? Even tho my crib was right across from yours I was determined to get the hell outta your house. I carried what I could & put the rest in my baby's wagon. You said, "You don't have to move all your stuff right away." I thought, "The hell! I'm getting outta here…tonight!" Even tho I was technically on my own, you were never more than a phone call or a shout away. I even remember you telling my son to take his worrisome ass home when he refused to leave your house.

Remember when my baby had hernia surgery? I think you got on the nurse's nerves. Before he made it to recovery, they told me his grandmother was calling every 30-45 minutes for an update.

Remember when you found out I was having sex & you asked if the [future] donor was my 1st & I said yes? I lied. He was the 4^th . *smh in shame* C’mon Ma, you had to know about me & Darren. We were left unsupervised way too many times. I guess you trusted me..or him…or us. Well, he was the 3^rd. No sense in confessing to the 1^st and 2^nd, it would only tick you off.

Even tho you were on a fixed income, you managed to keep a few bucks in your wallet at all times. I can’t begin to count the times I had to come to you for gasoline money & I had a job!

Mama, we didn't always have the best mother/daughter relationship and it did bother me at times. I always thought you favored Angel over me. Now I know, I was always more independent than I should've been and sometimes you just let me be. Angel was the baby & just needed more attention than me. Muda said we were too much alike, but to this day, I respectfully disagree, although I do have some of your tendencies.

I will always regret the day, I didn't come over like you wanted me to. Maybe if I did, things would've been different. I know what happened was out of my control, but still I can't help but wonder.

I constantly ask myself why do bad things happen to good people. Even tho you talked a big game, we all knew you wouldn't maliciously harm a fly & you didn't deserve to die the way you did.

Do you know your siblings decided not to tell Muda what happened to you & Tyra? They were afraid it would kill her. It's not like she had any kind of quality of life at that point anyway, but since I was just her grandchild I kept quiet. However, a few people saw Aleta whispering in her ear & they believe she told Muda what happened, against the wishes of her children.

Remember you always said you never wanted a whole lotta sad singing & flower bringing? I guess you know by now that we didn't honor that request. Ma, the whole community was shaken. How could I turn down their requests to show their love & support? Call me crazy, but I'd rather have you mad at me.

There were so many people at your service. Some I knew, some I didn't. Some who knew you since grade school, some who met you just as recently as a few weeks prior to. Family, friends, co-workers, neighbors & strangers. I was told the procession to the cemetery was several miles long.

At the repast, I had one request and that was for someone play some Al Green and they did. We ate, drank, laughed & cried to the tunes of Al, Marvin, Aretha, Millie & few other of your favorites. I hope that makes up for sad singing & flower bringing.

You didn't always take the best care of your diabetes & that so worried me. However, I'm glad you did what you wanted to do (like drinking 2 litre Pepsi's everyday) and you were happy while you were here.

Until we meet again,

Your 1^st born,

Monni XOXOXO

PS Thank you for overruling daddy’s attempt to name me Jennifer Lynn.

Near Death Experience

Have you ever had a near-death experience - being in a situation where you learned what the term "my life flashed before my eyes" really means?

Let me tell you about the one experience I had. Feel free to share yours.

About 17-18 years ago, I was watching TV and eating pizza with my son's father. I don't recall what we were watching, but at one point, I got extremely tickled while I still had pizza in my mouth. I started to choke on a piece of sausage from the pizza. My ex didn't realize it because {I think} he thought I was still laughing. I managed to grab him & he realized I was breathing in but not out. I also think he saw the fear in my eyes.

My life literally started to flash before my eyes & I panicked! I ran to the bathroom & luckily, he was right behind me. I had never been so scared in my life. He grabbed me around the waist and performed the Heimlich Maneuver. After a few seconds, the sausage came up & I could breathe!! I just sat on the bathroom floor and cried.

As a result of this incident, I now have a deep-rooted fear of asphyxiation/choking to death.

PS Does this mean I owe my baby's daddy my life? *eyeroll* & *lol

I Won't Complain

When I was little I had dreams of creating a beauty product & making a kazillion (you heard me right, a kazillion) dollars, having a huge fairytale wedding, 2 kids, living in a big white house on a hill, having the same house on the same land for my parents & grandparents & I was gonna do all of this before I was old & grey.....ya know....like 30!  

Well things didn't work out quite like I planned.  My daddy died, leaving my mother a widow & me a fatherless child.  As a result (at least in my opinion) I became a teen mother.  I finished high school on time & with my class, ranking 6th in my class I might add.  

I got my 1st real job during my senior year & have worked every since.  After HS, I had a job, entered college & everything changed.  Trying to work, attend school & care for a toddler was a bit more than I bargained for.  I couldn't quit working, I had Pampers to buy.  I couldn't send my baby back, he was here to stay.  Needless to say, my studies suffered & after a year & a half, I just gave up.  I could kick myself for that one!  Outside of having sex too soon, that was the biggest mistake I've ever made. 

Even though my parents and grandparents have gone home to glory, I am, however, grateful!  I have been blessed with a career (I worked my way up) that I enjoy.  I don't have the big house on the hill, but my lil townhouse is more than enough.  I only have 1 kid, as they say He gives you no more than you can bear.  {This boy is giving me the blues!!  That's another story for another day.}  I still don't have my prince.....still kissing these damn frogs!  My wedding dress is still on layaway (been there since 1995!  j/k...or am I??).   

I won't complain.....I am happy (most of the time), healthy (a sista ain't missing no meals) and when I really think about, I live like a damn queen compared to some people.

Do Over!

As most of you know, I'm knocking on 36's door as we speak.  Our course I'm thinking about a whole host of things, & this blog came to mind.

I wanna do over! (That's me with those long ass legs at age 4. The baby is 1 year old & the little boy was 6 or 7.)

Remember how we used to yell that out {as children} when things didn't go our way?

• I don’t wanna be grown! I wanna be a kid!
• I don’t wanna work. I wanna go back to school & take the summers off.
• I don’t wanna pay a mortgage. I wanna live in Muda & Papa’s house.
• I don’t wanna pay bills. I wanna have all the luxuries of heat, a/c, phone, etc. at the cost of someone else.
• I don’t wanna buy groceries. I wanna tell Momma & Muda what I like & let them do the shopping.
• I don't wanna prepare breakfast. I wanna awake to the smell of bacon, eggs & pancakes, courtesy of Muda.
• I don’t wanna attend parent/teacher conferences. I wanna be the kid beaming because I’m a top student.
• I don’t wanna go to the Principal's office because my son is in trouble, yet again. I wanna go to the Principal's office & see my name on the honor roll wall.
• I don’t wanna buy $4.00 a gallon gas. I wanna ride shotgun in Papa’s ’72 Cadillac Coupe DeVille.
• I don’t wanna worry about or pay for home repairs. I wanna tell Papa what’s broken & let him work it out.
• I don’t wanna pay $300 for a plane ticket. I wanna pack my Sesame Street suitcase & wait for my Aunt’s RV to pull up & take us to our destination.
• I don't wanna visit my Mother's grave on Mother's Day. I wanna make those lil cards from colored construction paper & flowers from pastel tissue paper, scented with the teacher's cheap perfume.

I wanna go to sleep at night without a care in the world.

 

Unemployment Compensation

This only applies to those who work in the State of Missouri. I have no knowledge of the practices of other states.

There has always been a huge misconception in the black community about this topic. Allow me a few minutes to clue you in.

People please, do not quit your job with the hopes of chilling at the crib for a few weeks collecting unemployment! 9 times out of 10, it's not going down like that.

Unemployment compensation funds are reserved for those who involuntarily lose their job due to being laid-off or fired. The system is not designed to compensate folks who just don't feel like working anymore.

I can only speak for my agency, but we will contest any claim filed by a person who voluntarily quits their job.

Of course I don't advise anyone stay at a job where laws are being broken, one that makes you unhappy, offers less than pleasant working conditions, etc., etc. Just keep in mind, if and when you quit your only source of income, you better have a Plan B.

As always, if you have any questions, let me know.