Stay out of it & keep your mouth shut. After all, Family First!
Address your loved one & let it go.
Address your loved one & give an ultimatum, i.e. dropping a dime to new boo.
Tell new boo your loved one isn't worth it & to move on.
Tell the ex he/she has been replaced & to move on.
Arrange a meeting between the 3 and let them duke it out.
Arrange a meeting between new boo & the ex & let them duke it out.
Other - please leave a comment.
Here's a scenario for your comments/feedback.
Your loved one meets someone, a good someone, probably too good for your loved one (you know your people & you know who & what kinda of people they deserve..don't play).
The new couple seems to hit it off OK & you're actually relieved he/she has found someone new. However, unbeknownst to new boo, your loved one is still involved with his/her alleged ex. New boo & the ex know about each other, but that's about all.
You/your family really likes new boo & actually prefers him/her over the ex, but give the situation time to play out.
After a period time, you realize your loved one is either playing games, can't decide between the two or just being greedy/selfish in regards to the non-conventional 3-some. Even tho your loved one has developed feelings for new boo & he/she just can't/won't let the ex go.
Considering the history with the ex is less than desirable & there are no other ties (property, kids, etc.), would you (see poll)....?
Feel free to comment as you like.
I'm going to mind my damn bitness, been there done that and I was the one made out to be the villian. Unless it is my daughter, or my bestest friend in the world I am minding my bitness.
ReplyDeleteThis is messy... no matter who family, friend, foe, it's best to stay out of it, and let grown folks handle grown folks business... getting involved just causes more confusion!
ReplyDeleteI watch from the safety of the sideline.
ReplyDeletenot that I am trying to protect my loved one... but I'm staying out of it!
ReplyDeleteI would talk to my loved one about it and that is it. it's way to messy to get involved more than that.
ReplyDeleteInteresting comments. I'll be back later to tell you how I handled it.
ReplyDeleteFor me depends on the loved one. If it's my sister, she is going to hear my mouth plain and simple. If it's a cousin? Look from a distance.
ReplyDeleteIf it's a good friend I consider "family"? Again they are going to hear my mouth.
I will not say anything to the ex or the new boo, not my place. But I would talk to the family member.
My cousin met a woman, who in my opinion is too damn good for him. She has her shit together, a career, house, car, no kids, etc. He, on the other hand, is 40 years old, still lives with my aunt when he's not shacked up with some hoodrat, can't hold a job, is a weed head & an alcoholic. Despite that, he's a cool dude, kinda charming & fun to be around when he's not tripping.
ReplyDeleteHis car broke down & she allowed him to take her to work so he could look for work. He left her stranded & didn't show up with her car until the wee hours of the morning. Naturally she was pissed because he was drunk & probably high as well. (She knows he drinks, but I'm not sure if she knows about the weed smoking.) I also know he owes her a few hundred bucks. My cuz has an ex that will probably always be there - I call her his crutch/safety net. This chic is a dizzy ass broad, but for some reason neither of them will really let go - she, just because she's just that diluted by "love" and he, because he knows no matter what, he can always go back.
Anyway, I see a lot of me in this woman & I don't want her to become jaded (like so many brother say a lot of black women are). I know I'm jaded at times & have been accused of being a bitter bitch, etc. I ove my cousin, but know damn well he is no good for the woman. I've thought about it for a while & have every intention on giving her the 411. The final choice is hers, but I'll feel better knowing I tried to steer the sista clear of the foolishness.
I was responding and dang thing crashed on me.
ReplyDeleteNow let's try this again.
If she is so together, why is she choosing to be with your cousin? No offense to you or him, but seriously?
Sometimes women are their own worst enemy when it comes to relationships. Educated, have it going on, and then they tend to just get stuck on stupid when it comes to choosing a man. Sounds like she is hoping she can drag the potential out of him, and he is 40!!!! That ship has sailed is long gone.
He used that charm to hook her, but I wish a brother would take my car for all hours and leave me stranded!!!!! Pfffttttt MsMo I would talk to her. Because then you can feel good about knowing you tried. Final choice is yours, but your conscious is clear.
But if you say nothing, that would eat away at your spirit.
No offense taken...call a spade a spade. I do! LOL
ReplyDeleteWhy is she with him ? Honestly, I think she was lonely when he met her (her last bf was a killed in a car wreck) & I think he filled a void. I'm not 100% sure & I'm only guesstimating based upon what I've seen.
She does strike me as the type who will try to, as my gramps would've said, turn a mule into a thoroughbred.
Now you see why I wanna hip her to what's really going on? If she stays and it doesn't get better, she can't say she wasn't warned.
I actually have a lot in common with her, but can't really become her friend, keeping what I know to myself.
My first instinct would be to mind my business...but depending on if the loved one and I are really close, I'd go to them and tell them something, something just ain't right. But I would not do what my Granny did on my uncle's wedding day. She told her baby boy's new bride, minutes before descending the aisle, "He ain't shyt. I don't know why you marrying him. Watch and see." LMAO I wouldn't go that far.
ReplyDeleteThat's all I'm saying. Personally, I would appreciate & heed a warning vs all that jazz and bs after the shit goes sour.
ReplyDelete