Facing & Forgiving

As I sit here watching an episode of Lockup, my mind start to go in a 1000 different directions.  The fact that my sister would've 21 years old this week didn't help.

This particular episode features a meeting of a convicted murderer and the victim's (part of a drug deal gone bad) mother & wife.  Apparently, it's part of a program some prison system offers.  The mother read a letter that she had written before she arrived to the meeting & gave the offender a chance to respond.  In the end, he said he'd never ask her forgiveness & she interrupted, stating she already had.  She didn't forgive the act but she forgave the man who made a terrible decision.

It really made me wonder if I could ever face & forgive the lousy bastard who maliciously & senselessly murdered my mother & 10 year old sister - two very innocent individuals. 

I did, along with several family members, have the chance & took full advantage to address this coward during his court sentencing.  The court gave us the time we needed to speak what was on our minds & hearts.  The emotions were extremely high.  While addressing the offender, my aunt & sister's father let their rage get the best of them.  I was sure they'd both be detained if not arrested, but it didn't go that far.

Even when we questioned their killer all he did was shake his head - almost in shame, but I wasn't buying it.  He never even looked up (which, in hindsight, was probably best and on the advice on the public defender).

Over decade later this whole ordeal still haunts me & probably always will. 

I had to pick out a headstone for my mother, while this bastard can still pick up the phone to call his. 

Forgiveness? I'm just not there yet.

"Don't trip, He ain't thru with me yet." ~Steve Harvey~