As I sit here watching an episode of Lockup, my mind start to go in a 1000 different directions. The fact that my sister would've 21 years old this week didn't help.
This particular episode features a meeting of a convicted murderer and the victim's (part of a drug deal gone bad) mother & wife. Apparently, it's part of a program some prison system offers. The mother read a letter that she had written before she arrived to the meeting & gave the offender a chance to respond. In the end, he said he'd never ask her forgiveness & she interrupted, stating she already had. She didn't forgive the act but she forgave the man who made a terrible decision.
It really made me wonder if I could ever face & forgive the lousy bastard who maliciously & senselessly murdered my mother & 10 year old sister - two very innocent individuals.
I did, along with several family members, have the chance & took full advantage to address this coward during his court sentencing. The court gave us the time we needed to speak what was on our minds & hearts. The emotions were extremely high. While addressing the offender, my aunt & sister's father let their rage get the best of them. I was sure they'd both be detained if not arrested, but it didn't go that far.
Even when we questioned their killer all he did was shake his head - almost in shame, but I wasn't buying it. He never even looked up (which, in hindsight, was probably best and on the advice on the public defender).
Over decade later this whole ordeal still haunts me & probably always will.
I had to pick out a headstone for my mother, while this bastard can still pick up the phone to call his.
Forgiveness? I'm just not there yet.
"Don't trip, He ain't thru with me yet." ~Steve Harvey~
