101 Mo'

 

1. I’m only doing this because Deedles said she already knew all but 5 of the last one.

 

2. I met Mrs. Coretta Scott King when I was 13.  She visited our community center. 

 

3. I first used eBay this past summer & thought I was gonna need rehab.

 

4. I gave up regular soda for diet, whole milk for 2% & white bread for whole wheat over a year ago…results yet to be seen, but I’m working on it.

 

5. I got my 1^st passport last summer & I’m itching to use it.

 

6. After my visit to Cancun in ’05 I thought I was gonna need a 12-step program.

 

7. I don’t like most veggies.  I love broccoli & green beans tho.

 

8. I don’t like regular orange juice, but I love orange-pineapple juice.

 

9. I keep a picture of my granny displayed in my kitchen.  I like having her there when I’m trying to cook.

 

10. I’ve been slightly injured twice due to bedroom * ahem * acrobatics.  Nothing an ice pack & Advil couldn’t cure.

 

11. I got orthodontic braces in 1999.  I was 27.  I still have a small gap that won’t close (they told me it probably wouldn’t) & I’m ok with it.  I had that gap for damn 30 years, so in essence it’s a part of me.

 

12. I still have a full bottle of Chloe’ that I got on my 16^th birthday.  I think I keep it because it came from my mother.

 

13. It pains me to see my fellow plus-sized sistas wearing clothing that isn’t age & size-appropriate.  It takes all I have not to say anything, because you know how we’ll react.

 

14. My mother never really whipped me.  She would pinch, punch, snatch & throw shit, but never really grabbed hold & whipped me…like Muda & Papa did.

 

15. I called the Ricki Lake Show back in the early 90s because my ex (who’s a DJ on the side) still had a lot of my albums.  I want my daddy’s records! (Sanford & Son joke)  They called me back & wanted us to be guests but my ex didn’t fall for the story they gave him about appearing.  Bastard ruined my talk show debut!

 

16. I had two fights with the donor – the 1^st time I sent him to the ER & the 2^nd time he blacked my damn eye.  That was it for me.  I watched my mother be abused & vowed I wouldn’t take shit from any man.

 

17. If they ever re-run The Muppet Show, I’d so be watching it!

 

18. I used to think my grandparents were rich.  We lived in a huge house, had nice things (Muda had tons of costume jewelry & furs) and Papa drove a Cadillac.  Needless to say, I was wrong about the wealth.

 

19. I’m extremely ticklish…that shit is like torture to me.

 

20. I still eat raw cake batter & cookie dough.  I guess I think I’m immune to salmonella or something.

 

21. When I was finally taller than my granny (she was about 5 feet even), I thought I could “take her”.  Let’s just say, I was terribly, terribly wrong.

 

22. I had my 1^st drink at 13.  I took a few swigs of my mother’s Canei Wine.

 

23. Orange California Coolers were my drink of choice during my teen years.

 

24. I hated going to church as a kid.  After the choir was done, I was bored to death.

 

25. I’m still not that fond of organized religion these days & rarely go to church. {I can feel Muda’s eyes rolling now.}

 

26. The 1^st time I got suspended from school, I was afraid to tell, so I hung out at the public library for those 3 days.  I don’t think my mother ever found out.

 

27. My mother & uncle forced me to learn Spades.  They were always one person short for an impromptu game.

 

28. I’ve made some everlasting relationships via the world wide web even had a few hookups.

 

29. I never wanted to be as tall as my mother because she had big feet.  She was 6ft tall and wore an 11 or maybe even 12 shoe.  I think I’ve topped out at 5’8” – 8.5 shoe (was an 8 before I got knocked up).

 

30. I’ve never eaten a chittlin’, a hog maw or a tripe sandwich.  Yuck!  Now that the Bushes will be out, I hope I never have to.

 

31. I love rice.  I could eat it every day.

 

32. I can be extremely lazy when I wanna be.  If you could see my bedroom right now, you’d understand.

 

33. I think I'd make a great movie director. 

 

34. I love my one & only, but most times I just wanna shake the shit outta him.

 

35. I’ve dated men from all branches of the armed forces, except the Coast Guard.

 

36. I love my sister but I can’t stand her stupid ass & refer to her as my 1/2 sister {technically she is}.

 

37. I {indirectly} hold her responsible for the death of our mother & baby sister.

 

38. I have a stereo, boom box or radio in every room of my house, including the bathrooms.

 

39. I have never been arrested, but was fingerprinted in order to be eliminated as a suspect in my mother & sister’s murder.  That was beyond humiliating for me.

 

40. Whenever I visit their grave-site, the sun shines brightly for about 10 seconds & vanishes, just like the day of their funeral.  It’s very comforting & kinda creepy at the same time.

 

41. I want a new car & the Ford Escape Hybrid is calling my name.

 

42. I don’t resist change, but I’m a firm believer in stability.

 

43. I used to laugh at my grandpa, behind his back, when he’d say stuff like “rench that off in the zink”.  I know…I know….should be shame.

 

44. Even when I found out there was no Santa, I still believed in the Easter Bunny & The Tooth Fairy.

 

45. I have a serious crush on my older cousin’s husband.  However, I will never cross those lines.

 

46. I plan to complete the items on my bucket list.

 

47. My appearance almost always reflects how I feel.  Hair done, cleavage exposed, high-heeled shoes is a good day.  Ball cap, sweats & sneakers - not so much.

 

48. I won’t rest until somebody names their daughter after me.

 

49. I find Brad Garrett (aka Robert Barone) kinda cute in a freakishly odd sorta way.

 

50. I named my sister’s 2^nd child - Adrian Darnell

 

51. I have the same middle name as my older cousin/former roommate.  However, it’s spelled differently.

 

52. I like flat soda.

 

53. The summer storm of 2007 literally sent me to the basement of my house.  We’ve had warnings a million times before, but this one really scared me.

 

54. Due to my foolish & promiscuous past, I was scared to death when I had my first HIV test.

 

55. I used to think all black people were Baptist.

 

56. I’m trying to gather the nerve to get a Brazilian Wax.

 

57. I sho’ miss getting earned income credit (EIC).  The last one I got was a little under 3 grand.

 

58. When Gerald Levert died, I finally realized why my mama cried about Marvin Gaye’s death.  I couldn't understand why she was tripping off a man she never met.

 

59. My grandpa used to call me “the damndest girl child” he’d ever seen.

 

60. I can type blindfolded, but never learned to 10-key by touch.

 

61. I'm more like my mother & grandmother than I care to admit.

 

62. I don’t shave my legs…don’t need to.  The hair on my legs is fine as frog's hair & against my skin it isn't noticeable.

 

63. I love headbands.

 

64. I feel naked without earrings.

 

65. I hate writing with pencil.  It makes my skin crawl.

 

66. I hope to plant a garden or flowerbed in my yard some day.

 

67. I was all set to get a tattoo on my 30^th birthday, but I chickened out.  That phase has passed….I think.

 

68. I was 19 when I caught the chicken pox.  My sister had them when we were young & my mother made us sleep in the same bed, hoping I would catch them, but I never did.

 

69. I simply cannot accept apologies behind purposeful acts.  Don’t waste time apologizing for shit you meant to do….I don’t.  
    
     
70. I think I’m still single because I’m looking for a man like my daddy & grandpa and they just don’t make them like that anymore.

 

71. I’d contemplate unemployment before I ever work for another black man.  Negros with a lil power act like you forget you’re black.

 

72. I love the Discovery Channel.  The shows on marine life are my favorite.

 

73. I went to ATL this past summer for the 1st time.  Didn’t see nary site or do anything I planned, but I had the time of my life!  SoulfulSistas4Life!

 

74. My 1^st car was an ’86 Cutlass Ciera, purchased in ’96 with an EIC refund.

 

75. I’ve never been on a real cruise, but I’m ‘ret ta go!

 

76. 2 of my permanent scars are courtesy of my mother - one accidentally & the other was kinda-sorta purposeful.

 

77. I still have the winter, duck boots my mother bought me when I was in the 8^th grade.  I will break those suckas out when the snow hits the ground.

 

78. I’ve had 2 warrants issued for my arrest - one was for failure to appear for jury duty & the other was for unpaid parking tickets.  I took care of them both before they tried to lock my ass up.

 

79. I like grits with butter, salt & pepper.  Hold the sugar.

 

80. My grandmother, my rock, was the person who said the most hurtful thing anyone ever said to me.  I quote,”Your mother just had to go and marry the blackest man she could find.”  That was the start of my skin tone issues.

 

81. I’ve never used a co-signer for anything.  If I can’t obtain it on my own, I just won’t have it.  On the same token, if I didn't give birth to you {and even he would be lucky}, I'm not co-signing for you.

 

82. I might have an older sister out there.  I can vaguely remember my mother mentioning my dad suspected he may have fathered a child before they married.

 

83. My grandfather hated my son’s name –Stephon – and it hurt my feelings.

 

84. I was devastated when I finally accepted that my favorite uncle was a crackhead.

 

85. I got into a fight when I was in the 4^th grade because a classmate (lil tangle-eyed bastard) saw my mother inject herself at a restaurant & he told everyone she was a dope fiend.  Truth is, she was diabetic.

 

86. I’ve eaten & will continue to eat chocolate covered strawberries to the point of sickness.

 

87. I keep a semi-stocked “bar” & you’ll always find a few bottles of Boone’s in the fridge.

 

88. My maternal family is a melting pot – My great-grandfather was Irish.  I have two ½ Chinese 1^st cousins (their father was full blooded Chinese).  My 2^nd cousin (daughter of one said ½ Chinese cousin) is ½ Hispanic.  We loving call her The Mexinese.

 

89. I was a cool nerd in high school - a cute lil fly girl who happened to excel in academics.

 

90. I do weekly pedicures & only polish my toenails in the summer.

 

91.  I refuse to "keep it real" at my office.  Those people, with the exception of my real friends there, have no idea who Monni B is & I plan on keeping it that way. Lord knows, on any given day she wants to surface but I keep her in check 'cause I need my check!

 

92. My #2 pet peeve is people who constantly bitch & moan about where they live & work, but yet they do absolutely nothing to change it.

 

93. I’ve never worn a wig or weave, but I think I’m gonna get me a ponytail (since I cut mine off) & try out a few wigs.

 

94. Jesus is Love (by The Commodores) is my favorite gospel song.

 

95. I had a song parody written about me. (It's on 360, so you might have to login.)

 

96. I’ve never been a bridesmaid.  I once wanted to be one.  That moment has long passed.

 

97. I had a prescription for nasal spray but I hardly used it.  I was afraid I’d end up like Arthur Spooner (King of Queens fans know). HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

 

98. I’m just shy of 5’8” & have long legs.  I’ve had 3 lovers comment on the length of my legs when they saw me in shorts. They claimed they didn’t notice them during intimate times.

 

99. I’m seriously considering getting a 2^nd part-time job (mindless tasks of course).  If a cleaning company would hire a vacuum clerk, I’d apply.  That’s all I wanna do.  I don’t wanna clean, scrub, wash or dust anything else….just vacuum.

 

100. I love the {clean clothes, detergent, softener} scents that flow from laundry mats.  I will stop (walking or riding) to inhale for a few moments.
     
     
101. I promise, I will not be a Spartan!