Remember the old adage "Mama's baby, Papa's maybe...."?
I blog-hop when I want to read what's on the minds of others. In my travels, I came across an open-forum type blog about controversial opinions & found the comment of one person to be quite interesting.
This quote is verbatim. "I think single women who make the decision to have a child should be obligated to support it alone. If he's not obligated to YOU, he shouldn't be obligated to YOUR (the woman's) decision to have the child. " Author's identity withheld.
I don't know the author, and as a single mother, I certainly have an opinion on the topic & want to hear from you, especially the men.
If you track through my links, you'll find my girl Lusindah... who has done numerous blogs on this subject, and her comments are full of healthy debate.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah this is becoming a regular comment by people. Most women make the decision to have the once they become pregnant. Mistakes do happen. I do agree some are deceptive in their methods to have a child. I acknowledge that. But if this were to happen it would lead to an exodus of men thinking they can hump around unprotected and not be responsible for the child they had a hand in creating. Regardless of how it happened, it takes sperm to fertilize an egg. If a man is dumb enough to believe and TRUST she is on the pill, and then finds out oh NOT, then he needs to be ready to own up to his responsibilities.
ReplyDeleteBeing in the shoes of getting pregnant and having a baby with a man I was not married to, is no different than being married to a man who decided to bounce. A marriage license means nothing these days. Just as quickly as you say I do, you can undo it.
ReplyDeleteIf the man didn't take the proper precautions, making sure that he & she were on the same page, then they are on the same hook. Immaculate Conception only happened once.
If brothers are still falling for the "I'm on the pill" line, they need to wake up. If sisters and brothers alike are still falling for the "I'm sterile" line, they need their heads checked.
I know some women are shady & try to put brothers in a trick bag, but I'm not talking about NBA all-stars, I'm talking about your Average Joe.
The only 100% method is abstinence. Condoms break, pills and other methods are just shy of 100%, but still not 100%.
If WE choose not to abstain, then WE choose to deal with the consequences of OUR actions.
I sure will.
ReplyDeleteThat's how I feel as well, and that's what some people fail to acknowledge IMHO.
ReplyDeleteThis is really a double edged sword for me. Because while I do not agree that a man should decide to have no responsibility for a child that he was half responsible for(because regardless of what anyone may say, unless it is a situation of the whole turkey baster thing or stabbing a hole in the condom, no one person is more responsible for the conception than the other), it has always bothered me that the decision whether or not to have the child falls fully to the mother. I understand that the mother has to carry the child and I respect that, but the decision that she makes effects the man's life forever basically. And I am unsettled at the thought of having a decision that important to my life and not having any input on it. It works for both having or not having the child and being in the child's life or not. Like for me, if I were to impregnate someone and we weren't together or a couple in any way, I would still want her to have the child(because that's just what I believe), but the decision as to whether or not that is done if left up to her and I wouldn't have a say(unless she wanted me to and there is no guarantee that will be the case).
ReplyDeleteThe only reason women are left to rear a child is most cases is because we are the ones with the urterus. Men are not physically bound to their responsibility should a pregnancy result. Plain and simple, it's easier for them to bounce. I think as women, we have to make sure that we are not only on some firm of birth control and to make sure he's wearing a condom (put that sucka on yourself if you have to, and make sure it's from YOUR supply, not his)...and make sure he's pulling out when he cums. Do everything to make sure it's Fort Knox up in there!
ReplyDeleteMen, it's YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to not lay down with someone with whom, should a pregnancy result, you don't mind dealing with this person for the next 18 years or so. And for women also...
I'm petrified of the thought of Child Birth... And its been my long life dream to be married first, but I'm not sure if it will happen in that order and then to.. I'm pretty content with my little lady on loan right now...And thankfully her mom is getting herself together so she may not be with me as much as she is now...
ReplyDeleteBut if a woman makes the conscious decision to have a baby and verbally tell that guy that he has no responsibility to it,,, then yes she is on her own....
But that purposeful shit of getting your self pregnant when you know he ain't shit, and you know he don't want any kids then yeah, that's on you to...
that's why its best that before you lay, you start a conversation and say hey....
I'm gone leave it at that.. cuz it rhymes and I didn't wanna mess it up...lol
Good point. If a woman decides to abort, there's little to nothing a man can do about it. Is it right? In my eyes yes, but I'm sure some think differently.
ReplyDeleteIm kinda mixed on the whole abortion thing... Because every situation is different... Now if a man openly demonstrates that it is his desire to be a father and she doesn't wanna be a mother, but THEY got pregnant.. I feel that she has to seriously take that into consideration and then that would be a case where he could do something about it...
ReplyDeleteBut then again, I've never been pregnant, I've never carried anyone's child... hell, I don't even think I had an "oh my gosh I think Im pregnant" moment.. So I may be way off here...
You have valid points as well. There are no right, wrong or easy answers.
ReplyDeleteJust be glad you haven't been in this situation.
Funny thing is, I didn't have support issues with the donor until the boy was 3 or so. He was a damn good father until then. The boy is now old enough to vote & that drama is behind me. This mess is the very reason I never got pregnant again.
See, this is one of the things that scares me... I've only dated and been with 2 men in my life and my current guy is a really good man... And if you ask someone about their guy and if they thought he would stick around for the kid if they got pregnant,,, some may say yeahhhh, I think so or even iono... But if me and my guy got pregnant, I'm more than sure that he would be there for the ankle biter and be a good father... But it scares the living shit out of me to think that I would have to possibly do it alone or that things wouldn't work with me and him and we couldn't be right... Now, I'm an independent woman and I know that I wouldn't kill over and die if I had to raise a child on my own, but I think I've been on this dream kick so long of wanting to get married and do it the biblical way to the point now that I'm not even sure i wanna have any, because I always have this seemingly unwarranted fear of something that's just holding me back....
ReplyDeleteMy little 4 yr old cutie... I'm so thankful that her mom is getting herself together, and I know that she'll never be far from me,,,, but you grow those attachments and when things don't work out right that's when I tend to regress...
Shit,,, Im rambling again...
It takes two ppl to conceive a child. I don't think a woman should have to take care of a child alone just because the man did not want any children. If you didn't want any children you should have made sure she was on bc and you should have been STRAPPED EVERY SINGLE TIME..not sometimes, not the first round of sex and the next not strapped...EVERYTIME!
ReplyDeleteThere are the select few cases such as the turkey baster ones, but I really feel that most unwanted pregnancy didn't come from men being tricked..they came from TWO adults not being responsible.
So being that those TWO adults weren't acting responsibly then those TWO adults should take care of the child. They both played a part in making the baby (whether he feels later that he was totally against it or not) so they should both have reponsibile for the child.
It makes me wanna kick a no good negro in the ass when I hear them say stupid shit like that "I think single women who make the decision to have a child should be obligated to support it alone"
As if they didn't lay down and play a part in making the baby!
I TOTALLY agree!
ReplyDelete