Shut Up Monni! Just Shut Up!
Let me preface this by saying, I think my Mama did her homework when she named me. My name means counselor or advisor. When I really care about someone, especially my blood, it's hard for me to keep my mouth shut when I see them doing things that are detrimental to their well-being. It pisses me off even more when the problem stems from the company they keep. Muda & Papa believed in "birds of a feather", but I don't. They also taught us that "the company you keep will determine the trouble you meet". This I do believe, wholeheartedly. In the past couple years or so, I have learned to just listen (and this is hard as hell for me) & keep my mouth shut, unless asked. If, by chance, they do ask, they're usually sorry they did. I know this to be true because I usually hear, "I hate I even asked you!" after I've given my nickel's worth. These people have known me all of my life (like my uncle) or all of their life (like my younger sister) & they know I'm not going sugar-coat it to spare their feelings or to make them feel better, so if they really didn't want my input, why do they bother to ask?? Not to be a braggart, but 9 times out of 10, I was usually right & that pisses them off even more. Not so much that they were wrong, but the fact I was right. My uncle will be the 1st to call me judgemental & self-righteous, and maybe at times I am. (That's only because he fucks up more in a week than I have in 35 years.) So his "attacks" towards me are personal, but I really don't give a shit & love him anyway. However, I tend to believe I learn from my mistakes so that I'm not a repeat offender. Don't get me wrong, I fuck up like everybody else. I've gotten myself into some troublesome situations, but I do manage to accept responsibility when I know it's my fault. "Open mouth & insert foot" is not a good look for me. Are you the same as or similar to me in these situations? If so, how do you manage to "not speak now" & forever hold the peace?
"If so, how do you manage to "not speak now" & forever hold the peace?"
ReplyDeleteI've recently learned to just listen first, and then ask questions. People can usually talk enough to come up with an answer to their dilemma on their own; the more you let them talk, they also begin to tell on themselves and how it was they got in a predicament. I figure that way, I don't look like the villain for delivering the bad news about their choices. The onus is on them and I can rest easy knowing I didn't have to hurt their precious wittle feelings.
Unfortunately Im the peace maker amongst my people... and that can be a bit hard sometimes... I hate to hurt people and i try to tell them the truth when I see it.. but sometimes I find myself sugar coating shit just to not upset people... And I do know thats a bad way to be... But Ive gradually gotten out of that... but still got some ways to go... I think I was more worried about someone being angry with me... But I've been a hell of a lot better about giving the truth especially now that I have my neices and nephews cuz you can sugar coat nothing for them... because what you dont tell them might hurt them... I am more of the listener and less of the talker...
ReplyDeleteI've had to learn to only listen and not try to fix. "Fixing" only causes me stress. While I don't offer advice, if I'm asked, I will be as honest as I can with my answers.
ReplyDeleteI like that you don't hold your tongue. You've made me think about some things. I appreciate that quality in you.
QUESTION: Ms Mo...why you think Im so crazy? Answer honestly now... lol
ReplyDeleteMy answer would be a combination of ncognegra's & redeyewire's. Of course that all depends on the severity or depth of the circumstances and what family member was involved. If it's my siblings whom are like my children since I've been instrumental in raising them, I go hard because I expect a certain level of standards from them.
ReplyDeleteI have always been "the counselor" so people know to only ask my opinion on things if the REALLY want it. But I do make it a point to never give advise unwarranted or unrequested
ReplyDeleteI give folks shit straight no chaser unless I know they're not going to receive what I have to say... and then I just keep it to myself and let them act a fool. I've learned that most of the time ppl don't want to hear what the hell you have to say and I speak a lot less on that basis as well.
ReplyDeleteI've always had a problem listening (or my grandparents would have you think so). I think I've gotten better over time.
ReplyDeleteMy family & friends now know if they just want an ear, they need to precede the conversation with, "I don't want/need your input, I just want you to listen." It's then I know to keep my comments to myself.
A bit hard is putting it lightly. Between my mother, grandmother, sister & uncle, I felt more like a referee. These folks would get into it & my phone starts ringing, "Monni you betta talk to your mama/granny/uncle/sister before I *insert various forms of assault & battery here* !" *eyeroll at all of them*
ReplyDeleteThank you. :o)
ReplyDeleteThis is something else I had to learn to do. So far so good.
ReplyDeletetry getting up in the middle of night in your pj's with slob running down the side of your face cuz some mofo can't get their shit together... OMG... one of these days I'll stop running for them... I hope... I pray...
ReplyDeletePeople always seem to come to me with problems and for advice. Mostly, I just let them talk and use their own intuition. Especially, if it's someone I'm not so close too. Most times people already know what they need to do and just want someone to listen and/or agree. Real friends usually KNOW what I'mma say before I say it and I still try not to offer life altering advice. I don't want that kind of responsibility in someone else's business. But I will gladly offer unfounded medical and financial advice (which I usually don't take myself). Otherwise, I just sit and listen.
ReplyDelete