Friday, April 18, 2008

The Comfort of a Man

Ladies, I don't know about you all, but after all the shake, rattle & rolling that happened during the wee hours of the morn, I realized I need the comfort of a man more than I thought I did.

Now, don't get me wrong or think this is an act of desperation, because it's not.  That would be the case if I settled for any old yahoo who comes my way & that ain't even happening.  Now more than ever, I want the comfort my father gave my mother & my grandfather gave my grandmother.

I want not just any man, not somebody else's man, not a "too many women-not enough time" man, not a lazy, shiftless, self-absorbed man, not "another man's" man (we know they're out there), not a good-for-nothing, (well maybe a good screw) man.  An honest man, a strong man, a faithful man, a loving, caring & passionate man, a self-sufficient man, a providing & protective man, a satisfying man, a man who complements me, hell, a handy man....a manly man, a real man.

Fellas please don't take this as a rant from another bitter bitch, because it's not.  I know you are out there, maybe not in my 100 mile radius, but out there nonetheless.

Just something that was on my mind.

Stephanie said it best.  Click here for a listen.

116 comments:

  1. I feel ya. My mind went straight to KC...

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  2. Im sure he is in your 100 mile radius... But you better get to looking... if my counting system is correct there is only about 220 good men left in the US thats 30 to 39 years old... the rest of the dog-a-licious men are still hovering and preying for the next victim... Dont ask me how I came up with that number but thats what I got...

    In all seriousness I can understand...

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  3. The sad part is you might be right.

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  4. Girl, you and me both! And HELL before the earthquake! LOL!

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  5. oooh righty. i feel you there sis.

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  6. When I see my grandparents together.. MAN... What I wouldn't give for that.
    I know how you feel, MO... and it's hard out here for a pimp... meaning some of us been out here on our own holding it down for so long that the idea of giving it up for something (anything) different is just plain scary. And as pathetic as it sounds I stay to myself cause I don't have another heartbreak left in me... I really dont...

    But I applaud you for being woman enough to speak the truth, say what you want (need) and what you mean, and mean what you say.

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  7. You will find him. You just have to get him to let his guard down first.

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  8. Wait... count that as 218, cause I am reserving on for me and Sunshine.. 217, cause i want DeAnna to have one...216.. Mo too.

    Ladies I am telling you.... I think they are all on a boat, somewhere waiting for us to come and get them this fall... Trip time ! ! ! !

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  9. Scary is not even the word. Its a catch 22... you teach yourself to take care of business on your own, then when a man comes along, you are looking at him cockeyed wondering what he is up to.

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  10. What you see in Big Jeff & Gran, has to be close to the same if not the exact thing I saw with Muda & Papa.

    When I hear people talk about my daddy, it makes me sad because I was so young when he died, but also happy that people remember the kind of man he was.

    I feel ya on the heartbreak too. After the last one, I said I was done, but I think I have enough umph to try it once again.

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  11. I know one of my problems is control. It's not because I want to, but because I have to.

    Some of y'all have heard me say this a million times & I will continue to say "For the right man, he can have these damn pants, and pass me my purse!" I'm sick of wearing the pants, but I just can't hang em on the line to dry. You feel me?

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  12. (corny rant coming, but I really do mean it)

    NEVER GIVE UP ON FINDING WHO YOU WERE MEANT TO BE WITH ! WE ALL DESERVE SOMEONE TO LOVE WHOM LOVES US BACK IN A HEALTHY BLESSED WAY. LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO GIVE UP EVER. ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS BE STRONG ENOUGH THAT WHEN WE MEET A MAN AND HE IS NOT WHAT WE SHOULD BE DATING (GIVING HIM A CHANCE TO TURN INTO PRINCE CHARMING) MOVE THE HECK ON. THATS WHAT HAPPENS WITH MY FRIENDS, THEY WASTE TIME HOPING ON CHANGE.

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  13. You can keep them thats on the boat... them mofos been on the boat by themselves too damn long and now they looking at each other all funny... Nope.. the boat men are not in the 220...

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  14. I was able to do that a few times, but it was futile.

    Rob, since you are the only man to chime in, what's a woman like me (us) to do?

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  15. Oh my... that changes my thoughts on a cruise. LOL

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  16. Say that! Trust is another issue I have. I worked too hard to get where I am for it to go up in smoke, for some good dick. Hell no.

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  17. Be yourself and allow him to do the same.

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  18. Pay Nutty Buddy no mind (altho she might be right again). If we have enough interest I'm down with a trip.

    I posted a blog about men & travel. Apparently, unless it something specific like Fight Night, NBA All-Stars, etc., (straight) men will not posse up for a vacation. I really need them to rethink that.

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  19. Im not sure what to say really to you girls... I've been fortunate enough to have had two good men in my life... One of which has held in there with me and all my many flaws all these years and yet now I feel like Im undecided about some things... and the other who I only dated for about a year but was a good guy, but now I really think he's gay (OMG..thats a whole nother blog).... But sometimes I think we hold so many prerequisites to the point that it makes it hard to filter out some of the good with the bad... And I think the one thing we all have to realize is that there is no one perfect guy... Either you're gonna find 5 out of your 8 things in Bobby and then you're gonna find 4 out of your 8 things in Craig and so on and so on... I dont think we have to give up ourselves in order to be with someone... but maybe dont set the goals and expectations to the sky, cuz it makes so damn hard to match up....

    And yes I know Im in grown folks business again, and probably aint got a real clue... but Im getting there....

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  20. She never wanted (nor did their kids, or ME) FOR ANYTHING. After I moved out...if she so much as crooked her baby finger - it was HERS. This wench LOL didn't even have a DRIVER'S LICENSE.. but she said she liked those cute little yellow Miata's. He started pricing one IMMEDIATELY. Now that she is in failing health he does everything for her... he cleans.. he still scrubs the kitchen and dining room floors by hand, every Friday. You should see him going over her meds to make sure she doesn't miss anything. Of course that mean old goat is in his element getting to tell someone what to DO all the damn time, but the point is they wouldn't have made it through three kids, a miscarriage, living with the in laws, raising a grandchild and having to take care of GreatGram if they didn't have the foundation laid. And it's sad.. because they did the best they could to raise me to be a hard-working woman and a good wife and mother... I guess two out of three wasn't bad huh?

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  21. Thing is men say "Let us be men" then SOME of them prove themselves to be BOYS in an Adult Male body. Then when women like us say screw it and do what we have to do we get labeled. Well step up and I would not have to!!!!

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  22. What scares me is the thought that so many males come up without a father in the house. They get CONDITIONED to seeing women holding it down and doing it all (and in some cases straight up man-bashing). A woman can raise a son, but she cannot teach a boy how to be a man (and that's no offense to single moms of boy children) So guess what.. they get out in the world... and they have a certain expectation that a woman will hold it down because that the message we've been giving them all their lives. Even Angela Bassett said it in the most recent Tyler Perry flick... we don't always do what we want to do, but we always do what we HAVE to do... and we're out here funding retirements and buying houses and all that shit and a lot of them don't have a grasp on that!

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  23. Mike, are you a closet gigolo? (Don't laugh y'all, I heard my 64 year old manager say that & it tickled me. LOL Only old folks use that term these days.)

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  24. *clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap*

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  25. Sometimes him being himself is the problem... hmph

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  26. thats when you know he is the wrong one and need to move on... not you, but you in general, you know. :)

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  27. You sure do say You alot... who do You think You are... lmaooooooooooooo

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  28. *sitting back in the cut to see what else the men have to say*

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  29. You bring up a good point, but some of the very men screaming "Let me be a man" were raised by Single Mother's.

    I guess with me personally yes I was raised by a Single Mother, but I've had examples of two parent households. So I've seen both ends of the spectrum. In addition Mommy was married so I remember how she behaved before she had to hold it down. I had a father in my house until I was 13 years of age.

    My mother was patient and tried to let my dad be the man. But when you get an eviction notice on the door, you have to take action!!! My Mom took action and did what was necessary to keep a roof over our heads.

    However, two parent homes don't always guarantee good examples of how to be either man or woman.

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  30. Zip ya lips, nutty buddy! This is how we get off topic. I need this one to play out.

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  31. If that's the case and you can't deal with it, move on. But you have to allow him to be himself fully and see if all of him is what you can deal with AS IS(and he has to do the same to you. A lot of times people fall in love with "The Representative" and are all verklempt (my favorite yiddish word lol) but when the real person comes out it's new story. So you have to be yourself from the gate and let them know it's okay for them to be themselves. Then you dissect and diagnose their every mannerism and move LOL

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  32. Im sorry Mo... but thats one of those things I always here and never understood why ppl say it... lol

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  33. You two are like a comedy show!

    Oops...off topic again! Sorry Mo!!

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  34. That should be evident on day 1. Don't ignore the signs. Even if he's only showing you his "representative" the real him is showing thru if you allow yourself to see it. Also, if Craig treated you like crap, don't punish me. Punish me for MY mistakes, not every other man who did you dirty.

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  35. Sitting back in the corner and watching and learning


    glitter-graphics.com

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  36. Okay I can respect that opinion.

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  37. I think alot of men, especially black men that I've seen arent yet ready to hang up the playa mentality or even pick up the responsible family role.... So why do you think we have so many single family homes... so many single women,,, and it aint because they cant get along with men,,, but most men arent ready to deal with what independent women bring to the table... and thats not talking about how much money all the times... its the simple things like being a family man... A ONE WOMAN MAN...

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  38. You's an ass to the 3rd degree.... lmaooooooooooooo

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  39. I have a question ladies before I go pick up my son. I have heard it said that women fall in love with what she can make him into and men fall in love with who she is now. How true is that?

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  40. Women fall in love with what they THINK they can make a man into....

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  41. ...and there some some Black women who do not possess this same mindset?

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  42. I'm serious...I'm very interested in what the men have to say about this. What point is there to asking women (especially single ones) why it's so hard to find a good man?

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  43. I dont know a woman that has the time or energy to wanna mold a grown man... I think we kinda like them to come prepackaged with enough gall to be the man that he;s supposed to be...

    But what you say about the way men feel... then that kinda takes me back to the playa theory... cuz its good for him now... but what about when he gets bored...

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  44. I'm guilty of this. My last LTR ended because I made the mistake of trying to mold him. However, there's only so many times a grown man can say "credik" before I split his wig. That was my fault tho. I shouldn't have stayed if I had a problem that couldn't be corrected.

    He's married & happy now & I'm happy for him.

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  45. On the contrary, I think alot of women see potential in a man and then make it their business to bring that potential out of them and if it's not the man's nature, then wouldn't that be considered trying to mold him into something he's not, but she wants?

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  46. Hmmm interesting. I guess I'm in the minority. I fall in love with who he is

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  47. See I really dont get the molding thing... Cuz most adults are already set in their ways... so why even bother... look at Mo... she mean as hell, you think big Johnny can change her.. probably not... all he needs to do is come and compliment her meanology...lol


    Im sorry Mo... but I had to pick on somebody...lol

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  48. What is is redeye is more women need to learn the difference between being encouraging, and trying to CHANGE him.
    Have you ever heard a man say "she has made me into a better man?" That means he has a woman who totally supports him, will let him fall on his face, but is there to encourage, and guide him to see his true full potential. Not change him, but encourage him to be the best person he set himself out to be to begin with.

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  49. I never in life thought I would ever hear (or see rather lol) a woman say that!!

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  50. I don't believe this is true for me. I'm looking for certain things and if they don't have them -- and I'm talking character stuff not materialistic things -- I won't even give them a chance. I need to give guys MORE of a chance before I write them off. But then I'm afraid of going too far the other way! I feel like I can't win...so I remain single.

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  51. FUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG A MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thats where I am at, and I am not bitter either. LOL For real, all I have to do is think of the last man and suddenly I AM COOL!!!!!!!! I am good. No thanks,Scianara, see ya later! PEACE, i am out, orivadutchie (i am really messing up the foreign language here LOL) holla atcha later, 2 fingers up, deuces, see ya next time around (NOT), have a wonderful life!!!!!!!!

    Thanks but no thanks, the goodbye that never ends! LMBOOOOO

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  52. The point is that you DON'T HAVE to MOLD a "grown man"... "MOLDING" an adult male is a horse of a different color and there are more than a few women who are perfectly happy to take the reins and rule over their queendom with an iron fist.

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  53. THIS IS IT RIGHT HERRRRRRRRR!!!!!!! And lets not throw in the factor of the single mom whose children witnessed their father kick their mama's ass!

    It's a WRAP!!! Odios amigos!

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  54. Well the opposite is true for me...Tony says he choose me for my potential. I guess it just means he knew I was in no ways perfect, but rather just perfect for him. I, on the other hand, fell head over heels in love with him for who he was.

    To all my online sisters on here, I still hold out hope for all of you. All of you possess such wonderful and beautiful qualities that I just can't believe no man has found ya'll!!! Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't comment on these blogs about dating/relationships, b/c some have expressed that the married folks have the benefit of being joined to someone and thus can't or shouldn't be the one to tell others how to do their thang. But in my real life relationships, I am constantly telling my single girlfriends that having expectations is a very good thing. I can't hate on anyone for having standards and ideals that they strive for in finding an intended. I just hope I don't come off as arrogant or better-than-thou because I just happen to be married.

    Anyway, that's my $1.47 worth.

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  55. I 100% agree... I don't ever fool myself into thinking that I can change ANYTHING about a grown ass man. If I can't love him exactly as he is, flaws and all, then he is clearly not the one for me.

    After all, I certainly don't want a man trying to change me. I'm too old for all that.

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  56. I saw my mothers marriage end, because of trying to mold a man... my step was and is a good guy, but for the life of her and him she couldnt get him to conform to what he knew she was all about even before they married... So I guess in looking at that situation that makes me think that molding a man is not the way to go...

    But then again, im dating a guy who in almost every area is perfect for me,,,except he doesnt believe in God... and for many years I've had to try and get around that... but for the most part... he is so much better than most men I've met in the church that claim to hold personal one on one sessions with God... I dont try and mold him I just hope that one day he can come in the fold.... but that might not be an example for molding and shaping...

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  57. Shooot.... girl... you're makin' your marriage last for 10 years and counting... isn't that some kinda record in our generation????

    You are my She-ro.

    My parents just celebrated 38 years of marriage. That is the source of my eternal optimism.

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  58. I reckon I won't get an answer to my question then...

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  59. I feel you n this too hon. Not a desperation thing..but seriously, God did not put us here for us to be be ourselves....We are not supposed to be islands....But once you get in that element you do realize how much you do miss another human being. Even being at home, talking on the phone sometimes is just not good enough you want to have a live person to talk to ya so that it doesn't feel like your walls are closing in on ya. But I sooooo feel you on this.

    Have a very wonderful and sexy weekend!

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  60. To be sure, of course there are ... but since the Black Woman is the least married demographic on the planet... I'd be willing to bet the title to my R-1 that in OUR age group (30-45) there are fewer playettes than there are players.

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  61. Thank you, Honey! Yes it might just be a record...LOL

    And YOUR parents are my heroes!

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  62. Although I did not feel the earth shake this morning, I hear you. Over time there’s one thing I’ve learned when it comes to “The Comfort of a Man” (I can only speak for myself):

    When you LOOK- you find EVERYTHING you DON’T NEED!!!! I’ve learned to “be still” and IF and WHEN the Lord feels that I am ready for what he has for me (that is IF he has someone for me) he will let me know in one form or another. The KEY is for me to LISTEN!!!! Now, in NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM am I saying that I’m going to SIT AROUND and WAIT for the Lord to just WALK my man to my door!!! You can be an ACTIVE PARTICIPANT in your search for love WITHOUT getting in the Lord’s way!!! You can date and “try on” a man to see if he “compliments” you- without interfering with the Lord’s work. You just have to be safe, have fun and just enjoy life and when you’re NOT LOOKING for it, it’s usually REVEALED to you!!!

    ....... but we also need to be READY to be "tried on" as well!!! You can't expect a man to be ready for YOU if you know deep down you're not ready for HIM.

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  63. Wow... earthquake in the midwest...

    And I feel you on wanting the comforts of a man... and I also hear ya on wanting the RIGHT kind of man for you...

    I can concur with Subira... as soon as I decided to stop physically looking for someone... I began to better myself... finally got my BBA...pursued home ownership... became settled and content... the kind of man I had looked for so many years before came and found me!

    Even though we bump heads... ( mine is also that control issue... lawd help me!) we are both able to be ourselves with each other... I dont have to dress up my representative for him... I can just be me... the good, the bad, the ugly and the indifferent... and I allow him to show me the same...

    He's out there... lookin for YOU! LOL

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  64. We had a earthquake here in Winston-Salem, NC out of all places last year...so I feel your pain!

    For me, it's important that whoever is in my life complements me, but I agree with "brownsuga" -- sometimes in order to find your crown jewel, you have to look for the jewel in you -- and once you do..you will shine so brightly -- that you will have options -- choices. It's when you don't love you first, that you limit your choices, your options. (I'm so damn guilty of that).

    But whoever comes in my life has to love me in such a way that I will never question it -- but have faith in him. And I want the kind of man that I know no matter what -- I can count on him -- rely on him -- trust in him.

    I look at my parents relationship -- they were together almost 40 years. And the fact that my dad is still so devoted to my mother (even after death), says a lot to me about his love for her. What they had was truly (IS truly) beautiful.

    That's the love that you dream about and hope that you will have...the kind that sustains you in life and death.

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  65. Sitting back wondrin' should I say wat I feel....or say something okey doke to get all the ladies pissed....(devil's horns beginning 2 grow) hehehehehehehehe.............

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  66. That's why all the cards have to be laid out early. Maybe not day 1, but damn. Mine lasted 17 years and I didn't try to change her at all and she didn't try to change me. I consider myself lucky someone was willing to put up with me that long.

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  67. Tell the truth & shame the devil....please!

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  68. I am again too lazy to read all the comments before mine...but I totally feel you. I realized the same thing when I had a stranger enter my bedroom in the middle of the night. Idiot bastard! I don't care what nobody say or how many ways they say it. There are just some instances where I need a man!

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  69. Ladies....Just so you know.....I'm available....LOL

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  70. You can't be changing up now. "I don't need a man for anything" means just that. ANYTHING.

    lol

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  71. I'll give you MONEY if you can tell me where I EVER said that! lol

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  72. I guess he gotta cover all his bases. LOL

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  73. Did I say I was quoting you? Someone has some guilt huh?

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  74. Um.... I thought quotes meant "quoting". LOL

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  75. ...and that's 5 whole years I'll never get back. I can only blame myself.

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  76. Believe it or not, you made sense.

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  77. Thank God for grandparents & 2 outta 3 ain't bad at all!

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  78. You think so? It may not be necessarily...
    I think iits like an investment .. you put money into it hoping for it to make a good turn around for you. With most investments, it takes time to see a turn around. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it don't. Its a risk. But just like most things, their are good risks and bad risks. I think you should look at it as a good risk because you could of been a positive influence on him and he could of changed accordingly. It takes time to change for the good. Now, it may have turned into bad risk if you spent those 5 years, saw nothing was going to change, but still married him and 15 mores years later, he still has changed, but you still hanging in there "hoping."

    Which brings me to this question: How long should you "work with things" until you feel that you need to let it go? This goes for men and women.

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  79. So very true! For the longest time I stayed with a man who was a good father figure to my son. I was fucking miserable most times, but he was what my boy needed, so I sacrificed my own happiness for the good of my son. My son is grown, but I know have my nephew (a whole nother blog) and this boy also needs a father figure. It's back to drawing board for moi.

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  80. I ain't working it out!!!!! Scianara baaaaaaaaaabay!

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  81. Dang girl .. so you cutting brothas at the knees after the first convo??

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  82. Well I'm getting my hug in now before you get the straight razor. *hug*

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  83. Mother Wit makes us protect our young at any cost. I once did something I'm not so proud of to protect mine. I couldn't depend on his father & I owed him that much.

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  84. I'm always myself, foul mouth & all. I've never tried to hide the facts.

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  85. If they fall into the not-so desirable categories I mentioned above.

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  86. Now take that back to the "man-cave" and tell them what you've learned! LOL

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  87. Don't you dare nutt up on us! You say what you feel whenever you choose.

    I know men on the outside looking in see us as jaded, bitter, single, idontneedaman bitches, but sisters like you know the deal.

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  88. You know I love ya, but I think your wounds are still raw, hence the comments. (You know I don't blame you one bit either.)

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  89. Sometimes I wonder if these MEN(like my grandaddy)exist anymore. He was a hard working, loyal, loving man who got up at the crack of dawn to make sure HIS family was TIGHT.....He was the epitome of a MAN. What happened? If I meet one more brother who is in his 40s tryin to get his ish together I'm going to scream! I mean after my daughter's father I am completely spoiled......cuz I know what a GOOD MAN is and I want nothing less. I pray that GOD sends my daughter someone HE has chosen for her cuz I'd hate to break my foot off in his ass for messin with my baby. A friend of mine's daughter just broke up with a young man who left her 17G in debt. He was intimidated by her, tried to break her......AWW HELL TO THE NAW BOBBY!! I'd have messed his ass up.....can't see my baby girl go thru drama. I brought her too far to have that happen. I'd be like Oprah in the Color Purple with a jacked up eye sittin there rockin back and forth " I sat in that jail........" lol

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  90. Naw, I can honestly say, the wounds are not raw, just me being silly mostly. But I can say, my tolerance for BS has drastically declined and I am COOL on all of it. Seriously. LOL The first line of BS I hear, I am OUT! LOLOLOL I can't do the mind game thing. Really I can't. I have fully accepted that I may be single the rest of my life, and I am ok with that. It doesn't mean I don't occasionally have that yearning, but I get over it very quickly. As Silky said, I don't have another heart break in me. Someone would have to really woo me to get me. I mean really Woo, woo, woo me! LMBOOO

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  91. C'mere baaaaaaaaby, I ain't gonna cut ya! LOL

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  92. YUP, if I smell the faintest hint of BS. LOL

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  93. Wow Moni. All I can do is stomp my feet and applaud cause I definitely know what you are saying here. But darn-it to heck I am just so tired of saying it. That's what I should have put on T's tired blog. (ugh).

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  94. Oh hell naw....that shit will get somebody SIX FEET DEEP!

    Folks better learn at an EARLY age to NEVER let somebody ELSE get them in debt....EVER!!!

    Folks in their 40's STILL trying to get it together? Guess what - THEY AIN'T gonna get it together.

    I think we can all name at least TWO family members up in age who STILL are trifling as hell.

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  95. Wow! I've never shared anything financial with anyone. If I didn't give birth to you (and even he'd be hella lucky), I'm not co-signing for you. Even when I was shacking with my ex, everything stayed in my name. It was in my name when you got here & it'll be that way when you leave. He was a little upset that I wouldn't co-sign for his car. Sorry chief. It ain't happening.

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  96. You don't and you shouldn't think that you do. I kind of have an idea where that thought comes from and from that I will tell you that it DEFINITELY is not you. You speak from your heart and let those who are receptive take it and do with it as they will.

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  97. But that's just it, that didn't come from the "man-cave", that came from other women. I have a LOT of female friends so I hear a lot of the war stories and one that I have heard a lot is how women would go to other women to get advice on men. And usually the other women they went to didn't have men themselves and I was always like John Madden, "That doesn't make a lick o' sense" LOL.

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  98. *Having a Jeffrey Osborne moment*

    I can't hold back, what I feel inside
    It's just a fact, that you should be mine
    Anything you want
    You've got to fortify my love, to fortify me
    You should be mine, anything you want
    You've got to fortify my love, to fortify me
    CAN YA WOO WOO WOO, CAN YA WOO WOO WOO, CAN YA WOO WOO WOO,
    You should be mine, all mine

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  99. I LOOKED FOR THAT VIEDO LAST NIGHT!!!! LMAO I instead stumbled upon Miles Jaye. LOL

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