Resolutions of a Healthy Woman

 

by Pearl Cleage, playwright, novelist, activist, powerful, makes us take a sobering look at ourselves...

 1. Love, Love, Love Yourself. There's only one of you. Love yourself until death!

 2. Stop Playing the Victim. Martyrdom is totally unnecessary for today's woman. Your first allegiance is to yourself. Without a strong sense of self, there is no way that you can tackle the ups and downs of a relationship or the rigors of motherhood (if you so choose).

 3. Stop Settling for Less. A piece of a man is definitely not better than whole, healthy man. Your desperation is showing.

 4. Stop Trying to Be a Savior. If a man doesn't have his head together and is on the skids, it is not up to you to try to save him. You are neither his mother nor his therapist. Let him go and move on. Men like this will  bring you down if you aren't careful.

 5. Learn to Exhale Between Relationships. In other words...no transitional lovers. Someone always ends up being hurt and it could be you...again, or that poor man. Neither one of you deserves to be hurt or used. Give yourself some down time.

 6. Learn the Difference Between Being Alone and Lonely. Being alone is by choice and loneliness is only temporary. Get out and enjoy yourself.  Wallowing in loneliness can often make women desperate for attention and lead them into unhealthy relationships.

 7. Don't Allow Any Man to Validate You. Allowing any man to define who you are as a woman leaves you open to being controlled and eventually abused.  Why give a man that type of power over you?  Now, do you really want to be the kind of woman who thinks that her life is not complete unless she has a man in it...any man? Where's your self-respect?

 8. Blessed is the Child that has Her Own. Handle your business educationally and financially. Generally, needy, not so bright women tend to attract men of the lowest character.

 9. Small Sacrifices Now Lead to Bigger Rewards Later. Don't let good sex sway you. Sure, he may rock your boat like no other man has ever done, but don't let the sex cloud your judgment. If he treats you like crap, or like a convenient booty call or just add you to his harem then, eventually, you may come to resent him with the same passion you displayed when he was between your legs. Now, if that's all you want, and that's all you think you're worth and are willing to settle for, then be honest and protect yourself. If you play, you will definitely pay. Don't confuse lust with love. And no fair trying to trap him with a pregnancy neither one of you wants. That's dirty pool. And why should an innocent child pay for your stupidity? After all, you picked him.

 10. Don't Try to Buy a Man's Affections. In the long run, not only will you lose him, but you will lose your self-respect and any smidgen of respect he may have had for you. Are you that desperate? Any self-respecting man  will never allow himself to be kept. Kept meaning, letting him move into your place, paying his car note, allowing him to use your credit, etc.

 11. Stop Trying to Change Men. Men will usually tell you who they are if you really listen to them. So try less talking and do more listening and you will, most likely, save yourself some trouble.

 12. Stay Away from Unavailable Men.  If he's married, separated, having problems with his baby's/babies' mama/mamas, not ready for a commitment, not willing to commit, etc., he is off limits. Now if you thrive on drama, then, by all means, go right ahead. Some women are made like that.

 13. Love Doesn't Hurt. Women who say that they love physical or verbal abuse from their mates have some serious emotional issues and will continue to  make up excuses until they get the help they need. Don't become statistic.  The life you save may be your own.

 14. Don't Compromise Your Moral Values. Even if you don't consider yourself a particularly religious person, promiscuity will take a toll on your self-respect and even your health, in the long run. Sleeping around with men who don't have your best interests at heart tends to chip away at the very essence of you. Listen to your instincts. They will never lead you wrong.

 15. Respect is Reciprocal. If you want respect then you must give respect, especially toward your mate. If you lash out in anger, frustration, or  whatever, be prepared to receive the same in return.  Even the most  loving and gentle man can take only so much of his woman's funky attitude.

 16. Keep Your Personal Business Between You and Your Man. Use extreme discretion whenever you are tempted to discuss your personal problems with family, friends and etc. Many relationships have been broken up due to outsiders putting their two cents in where it didn't belong. Keep that mouth zipped!

 17. Don't Advertise Your Man. Whether he is "da bomb" in the bedroom or a blessing sent down from heaven, try to keep it yourself. Actions speak louder than words. Most women can pick up on this just by being around  you and yours. Why? Because you are as happy and content as a kitten with a saucer of warm milk. It will definitely show. Now there's nothing wrong with  a little bit of bragging about your man. But keep it low-key. No sense in irritating those unscrupulous women who will try to "test your man" and/or lure him away (as if they could)!
 
Sistas are doing it for themselves!