so why do I feel responsible?
I was watching CSI:NY and one of the cases kinda hits home - the murder of a child.
Bear with me for a moment as this is painful & still makes me angry, but writing from my heart, to share with others, is how I express myself. It eases my pain & I just need to get this off my chest.
Those who know me, know what happened so I won't get into that right now.
The night my little sister was murdered she had come to my house to get some hair accessories. If memory serves me correctly she was in a play or something the following day. She came to my back door, I handed her the items she needed & rushed her out of the door. She wanted to stay, but we (me & my ex) were busy wrapping Christmas gifts & we didn't want the kids there. I sent her on her way.
That was the last time I saw her alive. The last time I heard her voice. The last time I saw her smile. Her life was senselessly & maliciously taken that evening. She was only 10.
I know what happened was out of my hands, but God, I can't help but wonder if I had let her stay would her life been spared.
I already know the answer, I just don't know why I keep asking the question.
The truth of it is Mo, that God had a plan for your sister that the devil didn't want to come to fruition. Sweetie it had nothing to do with you.
ReplyDeleteYou'll always ask because it's a question you will never have someone answer, just like I'll always wonder what it was that John's dad wanted to talk to me about hours before he died.
*BIG HUG*
ReplyDelete*HUG*
ReplyDeleteAll things happen according to His will. Some things we will never have an answer to. I hope that you will soon find peace with all of this and remove any feelings of guilt or "what if" that you may have.
ReplyDelete((Hugs))
Ms Mo, I've never known nor heard of anyone living forever. Nor will you or I. None of us will live on this earth one day longer than He allows. Bless you my sis, and may He comfort your heart mind and soul. oh yeah an the hip bone too...LOL
ReplyDeletePS - YOu are only being human and it is nearing the holiday, the time for family and friends to come together so naturally you mo-mentarily recall the love you shared with your sister. You'll never forget her, but of course you know this too will subside.
I had no idea Mo. At a loss for words. God bless your family always.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. I never knew you had to deal with this before just making your acquaintance, and not hitting all your blogs on 360. I hope as time passes you find peace. ((((Big Hug))))
ReplyDeleteLove & plenty of hugs to you...
ReplyDelete((((((((HUGSSS)))))))) My heart defintely goes out to you. Write all you need to let out the pain.
ReplyDelete(((Hugs))) Don't let the devil weigh you down. He is a liar and a traitor so don't let him lay this on you like you could of done something different. Even with the best intentions, we never know what the future holds. But we do know that God is always there for us to help ease our troubles and our pains, so remember to lean on Him when the Devil tries to attack you with these thoughts.
ReplyDelete