Note: I changed the subject with the hopes of getting a few more testosteronic (ha!) replies.
When I was a lil bright-eyed child, I dreamed of the Cinderella wedding like most girls do, including the big, white gown & releasing of the doves. There's was one major reason I couldn't wait to get married....to change my name!
I hated my last name for a really long time. I wanted the last name of several of my relatives - Jones, Smith, Brown (Meet The Browns ain't got shit on my Browns & one of my connects can tell ya)....sorry....back to my topic. Pretty common names right? I guess that's why I wanted one. It wasn't until one of my distant cousins became a star athlete in high school, that I started to appreciate my name...my daddy's name...a name widely recognized in our area.
The late Ike "Fine Yo' Ass" Turner put the icing on the cake for me with "That name got my daddy's blood on it." I'll repeat that in heartbeat.
Again, back to my topic - after so many years of wanting a last name other than the one on my birth certificate & later learning to appreciate my name, I decided if some lucky brother ever made an honest woman out of me, I wouldn't change my name. No children would come from this union, so what's the point? I'd be inclined to reconsider if that was the case.
I've decided my tombstone would read the same as my birth certificate. I would go out the same way I came in - not as Joe Smith's wife, but as Frankie B's baby girl. I could replace a husband umpteen times, but I could never replace my daddy.
The two (2) times I was seriously in love & contemplating marriage, I toyed around with the whole hyphenation thing, but my last name & theirs simply did not flow.
This brings me to my question:
Ladies - did you/would you keep/drop your birth name or hyphenate?
Gents - did your wife drop/keep her birth name? How did the decision effect you? Feel free to answer based upon wifey material.
Well, Im anxiously waiting for that day to arrive... but I think I would go Hyphenated...... Guess it could be a heck of a lot worse .... like Brown-Greene or Butts-Burns or what if you share the same last name like Smith... do you say Smith-Smith... or do you now use his last name Smith or your last name Smith, or would anybody even know which last name you're using, since its Smith. Or what about Luther-King...ok let me stop, I done gone wayyyy over board... lol
ReplyDeleteCute post..
I've always gotten nothing but arguments from men about this! First I said I wanted HIM to take MY last name. That didn't go over with any man. Then I said I would hyphenate my name...well that was SOMEWHAT acceptable to a couple but unacceptable to others. So now I'm at the point where I will be proud to wear the name of whoever I decide to be with for the rest of my life and commit to.
ReplyDeleteI Will drop my name in a heartbeat!
ReplyDeleteI think I'll make that decision when I come to it. I'm kinda conflicted on that. If I ever get married I think I wouldn't mind changing my last name. (I use to hate it.) But now that I have a son who has my last name, I think I may keep it. Maybe hyphenate or just have two last names. I don't want my baby to have a different last name than mine.
ReplyDeleteLOL @ Smith-Smith and Luther-King
ReplyDeleteMo remember I told you my son's last name should've been his father's which is the same as yours. I'm glad you come to appreciate your last name as is. Since my son's last name is mine I'm not changing it. Any child that comes from the union would be hyphenated.
ReplyDeleteFunny that this comes up. .... when I got married, I took my husband's last name but legally changed my middle name to my family name.... there's only one son with my last name and god KNOWS he's probably not going to have any children. I kept my slave name (married) even after the divorce because I was custodial. Now that she's gone back to her daddy and will be eighteen in three years, I'm sincerely thinking of going back to TLJ rather than being TJH.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I am quite the uppity/sidditty bitch and I will bust out in a minute with "please tell so-and-so that Mrs. H________" called... even though I've been divorced for 12 years. I will hit a nigga in the head in a MINUTE with my honorific title ... I paid for that in BLOOD.
Go on Silkee wif ur gangsta self!
ReplyDeleteI would drop my birth name. I don't think that there are any hyphenates in my family.
ReplyDeleteI kinda felt that way at one time. My son is a Jackson, like his pappy. I did, however, used to tease my friends who had kids with more than one last name & say "All my kids have the same daddy." LMAO Kinda funny since the boy is an only child, via me....well it was funny at the time.
ReplyDeleteMy brother actually hyphenated his name also when he got married. He still catches hell from my other brothers to this day LOL
ReplyDeleteThis is an interesting Q. There is alot I want to say about this, but I erased the first reply I typed and I'll just say that, my husband would have had a pure fit if I attempted to hyphenate his name. He would have said something like, "you are MY wife" [The man still watches reruns of Green Acres, although he acts more like Fred Sanford and Archie Bunker all rolled together with a topping of George Jefferson..LOL.] And yes this implies, that I'm a possession of his, but over time, I have learned to see this as a compliment [almost] and that in his mind that is an honorable thing to do, to see/view your wife as a part of yourself and an extension of you - for him as a man to express deep adoration for his mate, enough to share his name with her. He doesn't mean to make me feel like the car or other possession, but in a sense it IS how he sees it, another one of his assets/possessions, something that is his and belongs to him and only him. It's tricky to articulate, but who am I to disrupt his sense of inner-peace, if it brings him contentment, which has a way of trickling over to me - so be it. LOL
ReplyDeleteWhen I got married as an older person I hyphenated the the name. I was basicaly established as a single and had a child so that made sense at the time. When I married younger I did change my name. I believe age has something to do with it. and Bigdaddy14 you brother was very progressive. I see him as saying he accepted the woman fully. ^5 to him.
ReplyDeleteI took my husband's name in the instant that I said, "I Do." Reason being, I had no attachment to my father's name, simply because he wasn't around to shape the woman I'd become. It's funny because he had the nerve to ask me about my impending nuptials during my engagement period, after years of absenteeism, even saying he wanted to walk me down the aisle. If anyone deserved that honor, it was my stepfather, who played a major part in my upbringing.
ReplyDeleteSo long story short, I pay honor and tribute to the union I made with my spouse, who is a very traditional man who wouldn't have it any other way, so I gladly took his name. It suits me well, too.
Mo.... you would pose a question that was guaranteed to elicit responses from chicks that (by choice) may not have much of an interest in getting married again... I thought about it, and I didn't answer the question, if I DID get married again (which as I've stated is HIGHLY unlikely) I'd be Mrs. so-and-so.
ReplyDeleteY'all already know how I feel about my title... LMAO
when I finally get married I'm so dropping my birth last name. Nothing against it at all, but I know who I am, and no matter who I marry, I was and always will be Anderson. I'm dropping my last name for my hubbies, and keeping my first and middle name.
ReplyDeleteWow! I didn't think that was legal..but then again, why not. I learn something new everyday.
ReplyDeleteRed you are just a nut case! LOL
ReplyDeleteWhy am I not surprised? Haha!
ReplyDeleteLove it!
ReplyDeleteHe's definitely old school! Oddly enough I can understand his p.o.v. since it sounds like something my grandpa would say.
ReplyDeleteThat was sweet of your brother to do!!!
ReplyDeleteIn that case I'd certainly have no problem doing the same as you.
ReplyDeleteIt's perfectly legal for anyone to change their name to just about anything you want as long as you're not doing it to defraud creditors. You gotta petition the court to do it unless you've recently married, and do a proof of publication to notify errbody that you're changing your name.
ReplyDeletesadly, you maybe should have gone for "hot chocolate babes in bikinis" or "naked sista's gone wild" LMHO
ReplyDeleteI took my husband's name, but he was very open to me keeping my name, us hyphenating together, or whatever other option I felt comfortable with. He was, however, quite honored that I chose to take his name.
ReplyDeleteApparently it is lol
ReplyDeletei'm definitely dropping it but probably use it only for author stuff. ppl would be like "who is dat?" but yeah...i don't have a problem taking my husband's name
ReplyDeleteFunny thing is, we both had the same last name to begin with.
ReplyDeleteI have thought about it and I think I would like to keep my whole name and hyphenate it. If I got married to the fellow I am dating now, my official name's initials would be DYC-F. I would want to keep my middle name in place (despite the fact I hate it, but mom and I have the same middle name, so I want to keep it.) and I want to keep my father's name (despite his half ass participation in my life, it is still a piece of him I carry with me.)
ReplyDeleteHe offered to take my last name, but the thought of that pissed me off for some reason. (I was having a bad day that day..LOL) No offense to any guy would would want to do that, but I don't want my husband to do that. Just another one of my quirks. LOL
I was practicing writing it out and realized that all that name added up to 27 letters. Being that I do notaries, that's a crazy amount of writing for signatures. My signature now already consists of 16 letters and I complain. Somedays I wish my name was Amy Nix when I have over 100 mortgage satisfactions to sign.
Anyhoo, I will take and hypenate his name. Unless its something completely off da wall. My friends boyfriend last name is "Thigpen," Um...Eww?
Wait... are you doing some kinda matrix stuff... Im reading this and Im like, didnt I read this before...And Im just happily reading along thinking of my response and cant wait to get to the comment box,,,, when I see all these comments and Im like WTF? Why am I late again for another blog... what the crispy creme is going on here... So I go down to the bottom to start reading the comments and I see me... WHOAAAA... So I go back to the top and notice the date... And I see Dec 18... And Im thinking Mo pulling a fast one on us... But Im not gone be victim to her blog antics... so as such.. my response would still be the same.... lmaoooo
ReplyDelete"Well, Im anxiously waiting for that day to arrive... but I think I would go Hyphenated...... Guess it could be a heck of a lot worse .... like Brown-Greene or Butts-Burns or what if you share the same last name like Smith... do you say Smith-Smith... or do you now use his last name Smith or your last name Smith, or would anybody even know which last name you're using, since its Smith. Or what about Luther-King...ok let me stop, I done gone wayyyy over board... lol"
I am awaiting that day and that conversation with "the one" My mom had dropped her last name and a sister of mine dropped hers as she stated that she hated our last name, but I think it has some deeper meaning than just "hating" it. I may drop or hyphenate my name..Have never had this discussion with anyone male or female so I am still on the fence.
ReplyDeleteDefinately Hyphenate...
ReplyDeleteI wrote a blog about this a while ago and at first I stated that I think I would hyphenate, then I said I would just take his last name. To tell you the truth, I don't know WHAT I would do at this point. I can understand some's argument that once you "cleave", you should become one and take his name, but I can also understand those who feel that the shouldn't lose their OWN original identity once they get married.
ReplyDeleteIf the good Lord blesses me with a husband, I'll let you know how I feel about this. *smile*
I originally hyphenated my name...then by some stroke of "luck" (lol) I ended up taking a new job. The name of the program I was to be working had the same name as my maiden name (go figure) and I didn't want there to be any confusion... *sigh*
ReplyDeletehonestly, I would not care if my wife decided to NOT use my last name. I don't see it as indicative of anything other than her wanting to keep her birth-last name. I would only see it as an issue if kids were involved, otherwise, NOT a big deal to me at all. When it comes to marriage, I think there are so many other issues to worry about - last names is not even on the list....for me.
ReplyDeleteNo harm, no foul. My last name isn't common, so if by chance I met a man with my name, we're probably related somewhere along the line.
ReplyDeleteThat's exactly how I feel. I ain't birthin' no mo' babies & even I was & I kept my name, they'd have their father's name without a doubt.
ReplyDeleteLmaoooooo Mandingo Steve-o-Rino might be saying something different...
ReplyDeleteBREAKING NEWS: Ms Mo done had 2 sets of quadruplets... (cuz I dont know what the term for 8 babies is..)
lmaooooo... dont kick me out the group Mo... you know I love having fun with you... lol
Thats kinda creepy now that i look at it... lol
ReplyDeleteShe tryna say you had a litter Mo. Git her.
ReplyDeleteSee you stoopid!! LMAO I struggled with the one. God knows who to give all them babies too and it ain't me!
ReplyDeleteRight! Ain't that a bitch?! LMAO
ReplyDeletelmaooooo I would help you....
ReplyDeleteFrom a far...... lol
thats too many damn babies... Im still trying to recruit someone to be a surrogate for me... cuz I dont think I'll be able to do the birthing thing... Im willing to pay $500 for time and suffering... lol
ReplyDelete$500 that's it? You better up that monetary amount!!! LOL
ReplyDelete