The Day My World was Shattered

Note:  You might not want to read this at work.  It's a long & emotional post.

9 years ago today, my family was torn apart.  Every word you read here is, unfortunately, the honest to God truth.

It started like any other cold December morning, 4 days before Christmas. The phone rang & it was a gentleman friend of mine. Dammit!!! I over slept, which meant my son (then age 10) missed his bus & I would have to drop him off at school. It wasn't a big deal because his school was only about 5 city blocks from my office. We pulled it together and get in car & leave the parking lot. I see my nephew (then age 8) walking towards my house. Not even thinking of the time, I told him to get in the car assuming he missed the bus. I asked him where Tyra (my sister who was also 10) was. He replied, "She's in the bed and won't wake up." Now I'm really confused. I asked, "Where's your granny (my mother)?" He replied, "She's on the floor & won't wake up either." Now I'm thinking what the hell?!?! My mind immediately went to carbon monoxide poisoning.

I went to my mom's apartment {very close proximity to mine} and went up the stairs. I asked my nephew how did he get into the house & he said the door was unlocked. Confused & anxious, I entered my mom's apartment. It was warm & quiet. I called out & no one answered. I went towards to stairs and noticed a small amount of what appeared to be blood on the wall. I immediately got an awful sinking feeling like I've never felt before. I called for my mom again. No answer. I reached my mom's bedroom. It was dark & she was on the floor. I touched her. She was cold. Everything went black for a moment. I backed up & walked towards my sister's room. She was on the bed, naked. Everything went black again. I don't even remember what her face looked like. My son & my nephew were behind me. I screamed for them to find the phone. They were afraid & crying & couldn't find the phone.

I ran out of the house, back to my apartment & called 911. An officer arrived in a matter of minutes. He went upstairs & came back down on his radio. The look in his eyes told me my mother & sister were dead. I asked him anyway. He replied, "It doesn't look good." It was at that moment that I realized that my nephew had stumbled onto the murder scene of my mother & sister. This child had absolutely no idea what he had discovered.

The ambulance arrived & left, empty, just they way they came. In a matter of moments police & detectives were everywhere. I was in a daze, confused & numb. I called my cousin & told her to get to my mom's house right away. She knew something was terribly wrong, but I was in shock & couldn't find the words. She hung up & was on the way. By this time all of the neighborhood was outside watching. The news media arrived shortly after.

A family friend went to pick my other sister up from work. How could I tell her that our mother & baby sister were dead?

My sister arrives & flips out when she sees all the commotion. She runs up the stairs to where I'm standing & screams for me to tell her what's wrong. I can't. I stand there with tears in my eyes & pain in my heart. I just stand there. She keeps shouting. I finally say, "They're gone." She drops to her knees & vomits.

I called my recent ex's job & ask the dispatcher to radio him to call me. She kept asking what was wrong, I couldn't say anything. I just begged her to radio him & tell him to call me. He didn't call. He didn't know what was wrong but he rushed to my side. In what seemed like a few minutes, I looked up & saw him. He spoke with a detective & punched a brick wall. His hand started to bleed.

The police are gathering evidence, the detectives are questioning me, my sister, the children and the neighbors. The detectives ask me if my mother own a meat cleaver. I just stared at them with disbelief. I think I answered but don't recall what I said. Soon the funeral director's hearse pulls up. I hear the Chief of Police whisper to a detective, "Get them out of here before they remove the bodies. They don't need to see this."

My sister & I got into a car with a detective. My ex took the boys. We go downtown & spend several hours answering questions & such. The police chaplain came into the waiting room to pray with us.

My ex left to go & pick up my 2 best friends. He didn't call, as I doubt he could find the words. The 3 of them came into the waiting room with tears streaming down their faces. We hugged & cried & asked God, "Why?!?!"

Moments later, my mother's best friend walked in with her nephew. She was numb. I could tell. With the exception of the who, what, when, where & why questions, the rest of the time spent in the precinct is a blur to me. All I could think is, "This happens to other people, not me!"

A detective came & told me that I didn't have to make a formal ID since I was the 1st adult to discover them. For that I was relieved, as I don't think I could've done it. I did find out later that my little sister's father was allowed to see her. I think that did more harm than good, as he was just on the road to kicking an alcohol addiction. You don't have to wonder why he went back to his old habits.

We went home & shortly afterwards my apartment was swarming with people. My mother was very popular & almost everyone loved her. My phone was ringing off the hook. Family. Friends. Co-workers. Colleagues. A few people I didn't even know. I was later told that their murders had been announced on the local news & radio. A cousin in California had seen it on CNN.

On Christmas Eve when I should've been decorating & baking, I was shopping. Not for gifts, but for something to lay my Mother to rest in. Her apartment was still a crime scene, yellow tape & all. We still hadn't been allowed to go in, so I had to start from scratch. The funeral director told me what items were needed and it was on my shoulders to see that it was done.

It's Christmas Eve, 1998, and as much I love to shop, this was not going to be one of my usual shopping trips. I eventually find an outfit which I thought would complement my mother's skin tone. She was a red-bone, not light, not dark, but red. She never really left any specifics about final arrangements. The only request she ever made was and I quote, "I don't want no sad singing & flower bringing. Get some wine, get some music & have a party in my remembrance. Laugh, dance & drink when you think of me." Maybe, one day, when we can finally get past the hurt we will.

Their killer was still at large, but trust me when I say St. Louis' finest detectives were on the job trying to bring this person to justice. He was eventually caught on Christmas Eve & he confessed to the double murder. I won't go into a lot of detail about the apprehension, arrest & confession because it makes me so very angry.

Christmas Day of 1998 had to be the most awful Christmas of my life. My other nephews were ages 4 and 2 at the time, so they had absolutely no idea why such sadness filled our house at Christmas time. We made the best of it, for the sake of the children.

The absolute hardest thing I've ever had to do was pick a casket for my 10 year old sister. I knew that one day I would have to bury my mother, but baby sister was supposed to bury me! Not the other way around! The second hardest thing was writing her obituary. As you can probably tell, I'm no stranger to the "pen". I knew what to say, I just couldn't write it down.

At the viewing, the funeral home had to extend the viewing by 2 hours because people just kept coming. Family, friends, colleagues, people I haven't seen since I was too young to remember, people I never have. An adult cousin had an anxiety attack & had to be hospitalized. A teen cousin said it should've been her! "Jesus help us!" is all I could think. My family had literally been torn apart.

At the home-going service (my cousin Stephanie didn't want to the term funeral referenced anywhere, so we didn't) an old high school friend spoke & it touched me so, as I hadn't seen Michael Tyler since the day we graduated. I never got a chance to thank him.

It was very cold that day & the sun was no where in sight, but as everyone sat silently reading the obituary, just like a sign from the heavens, sunlight burst thru the stained glass window & shone up me & my family for about 10 seconds & vanished as quickly as it came. It was the most incredible thing I had ever seen and felt. It was like my mommy & sister wanted to let us know that they were OK. It was for that very moment, my heart felt at ease. I really cannot explain, so I won't even try. I will say that everyone in the church noticed & commented on it later.

When the police cleared my mother's apartment for us to go in and clean out I just knew I was gonna lose it, but I didn't. We never went into the rooms were their bodies were found as that would've been too traumatic. My best friend Linda went in & cleaned the rooms, gathered personal belongings, etc. For that I will be eternally grateful! I think my heart broke into a 1,000 pieces when Linda found some gifts that my little sister had wrapped for our family. I took me over a year to finally open mine. It was a scented candle. I have still have it and have always wanted to light on her birthday, I just cannot find the strength to do.

The police also found her Christmas List and gave us a copy. They had to keep the original because it was evidence. Much to my surprise, I had gotten one of the things on that list. I still have it. I just can't bear to get rid of it.

9 long & arduous months later, their killer was sentenced to prison without the possibility of parole, as he plead guilty to all counts. In the State of Missouri, only a jury can issue a death sentence. Since he plead guilty, a jury trial wasn't necessary.

My family is still saddened, angered & tormented by this ordeal, but we survived it. It's still a struggle for us especially at holiday time. I just have to trust that the Lord has a plan & it will be followed thru.

My intentions of sharing this story with you are of therapeutic nature for me. There are so many more details that I omitted, as sharing what I did was extremely painful. I have always wanted to put these words on paper & I may even write a complete book one day. I just don't have the strength right now. Just writing this blog was a struggle for me & it took a few days, but I did it.

I thank you all, from the bottom of my heart, for listening & sending your love!

Original 360 post