I was your typical, or maybe not so typical, fast ass, boy crazy, teen-aged girl. Even tho I had my mother & my grandparents, I was missing a very vital piece of me – my father. Muda always said, things would’ve been different if my daddy hadn’t died.
My problems started 22 years ago today. I lost my virginity way too young & too a man who could’ve cared less about me.
One hot summer’s night, I was hanging out with my cousin, her boyfriend & his friend (let’s call him John). We had been hanging out for a few weeks & always had fun. One night after going to see “The Mack” at the $1 Movie & hanging out on the St. Louis Riverfront listening to music, talking shit & drinking (yeah, I drank California Coolers when I was a teen), we went back to John’s house. His mom worked graveyard. The apartment was empty. My cousin & her boyfriend disappeared into a back room.
We sat on the couch for a little while & talked, then John grabbed my hand & we ended up in his bedroom. We kissed a lil, well, maybe a lot. He touched me in places I’d never been touched before & I liked it. He undid my halter-top (I was 135 lbs, soaking wet back in the day) and started to do things to my breasts that made me feel like lighting was flowing thru my body. He asked if I was a virgin & I shyly answered, “Yes.” He kissed me ever so gently & proceeded to remove my clothing. The next thing I knew I was looking at his naked body, penis hard as a rock. I think I was staring because he asked if I was scared, I replied, “Kinda.”
Whitney Houston's "Good Love" was playing on the Quiet Storm. He laid down next to me. I knew it was wrong. Part of me wanted to say, “Stop!” The other part of me really wanted to know what the hype was all about & that part gave in. Before I knew it he was inside of me. It hurt, but wasn’t unbearable. He continued to kiss me & stroke my hair. I just laid there, as I had no idea of what was happening, but he seemed to be happy. A few moments later, he held me really tight & let out this groan, a groan that I had never heard before. Still, I had no idea what had just happened. He got up, kissed me on the forehead, put on his shorts & left the room. Still I laid there, in a daze.
He came back to the room with some towels & handed me his bathrobe. I went to the bathroom only to find my cousin in there, reapplying her makeup. I closed the door & slid down to the floor. She asked, “What’s wrong?” I replied, “I did it.” “Did what?” she asked. “It!” I replied. Ohhhh! She helped me off the floor, we talked a lil bit & she left. I cleaned myself up & put my clothes on.
When I came out of the bathroom they were sitting in the living room waiting for me. We get into the car & the boys drive us home. We laughed, talked & sang along with the music....or a least they did. I was still in a daze & don't recall saying much of anything.
As we drove down the street, I saw my mama & her boyfriend in the park. I ducked! I hoped like hell she didn't see me. We make it home & get out of the car. John walked me to the front door, hugged & kissed me. It was cool since we all knew my mama wasn't there waiting to bust me for breaking curfew.
I talked to John twice, maybe three times since that fateful evening. I even saw him a few times afterwards, but he barely said hi….if that. I was devastated. I give him my virginity & this is how I get treated in return?! I wanted to cry & I did....many times. I eventually got over it.
He died several months later due to a ruptured appendix. I cried when I heard the news & wanted to go to the funeral, but there is no way my mama would’ve let me. I would've had to miss school & she would've wanted to know why I wanted to go & I certainly couldn't have told her.
Oh, I failed to mention, I was only 14 when this happened. At age 13, I started lying about my age & managed to get away with it most of the time. I told John I was 17 & he said he was 18. I didn't find out until after the fact that he was actually 20. As they say, it's all water under the bridge....or at least at this point it is.
